no. 1 fan

This is why I love my girl.

She says things like this of me...

you smell good
you don't tug at your "mister" in public
you have manners
you can relate to their PMS...because you too suffer from it
you wax any and all stray hairs
...and you smell good

operation: undercover 007

Saturday, October 21, 7 a.m.

I fly from Omaha and connect in Chicago at O'Hare to arrive in Atlanta. I've never had good luck with O'Hare - the first time I was there I missed my flight and had to wait eight hours until the next one with no iPod or cell phone (they were both dead) and the other time my flight was delayed so many times it was 2 a.m. until I made it back home. I was determined to make it through with no problems.

I made it into Hot-lanta around 1:30. I got on Marta and went several stops too far. I always have the problem of getting lost when I am in a new area and by myself. I was trying to make it to Jeff and Shawn's. After many phone calls and uncountable 'fuck!'s' later I made it. Their unit is beautiful and exactly how I pictured it. Cement floors, floor to ceiling windows, photography in black frames. Jazz was playing when I walked in the empty home. I walked in the room I was staying to notice Martha Stewart magazines carefully spread out for my reading pleasures.

I found a place to eat and picked up the tapes I was there for. Now it was time to enjoy myself. Shawn, his 'hall' friend Amy and I make our way to Little Five Points for a Halloween parade. It was interesting. Lots of people with open container and people dressed up in the middle of the day - what else could be more fun? I know - meeting Jeff for the first time. It was great to meet someone you talk to often - like they were an old friend. After the parade we make our way to their friend Kyle's home. It was beautiful, old and spacious. Spacious in the way he didn't have any furniture - but he did have a disco ball in the dining room.

I was standing in the yard, next to the white picket fence when Ashley walked/ran up and I did the same to greet her. I hugged her like I hugged my sister after I haven't seen her for months.

'I can't believe this is you and that you are actually here!' she would repeat. I told her she could touch me if she wanted just to make it official that I was actually there. She would later keep saying that, 'I can't believe you're here.'

We were hungry and went to Vortex, a wonderful burger place. 'I still can't believe you're here.' We talked and laughed and said how it would be more complete if Mollie were here with us. I had a yummy burger that was topped with a pineapple.

Bloggers unite.

That evening Jeff gave me a lovely tour of Midtown Atlanta. Pointing out the significant buildings in the area and even caught a slight moment of Randy Newman singing at the symphony. We half-assed walked Carolyn home and continued on with the 'tour.'

We stopped at Einstein's to see Attention Deficit David and carried on to Blake's. I wanted to see Ashley's dogs before she left, so we went there. On our walk to her place, Jeff informed me 'no on goes hungry in this city.' He was referring to the homeless man who had a wad of cash. Before I saw his cash flow, I thought I should have given him something, but decided not to (I had a flash back of the 'sorry, I only have debit' story).

Ashley's dogs were cute. The girl dog kept humping Jeff. Eric says is because she is dominating him. And the boy dog was greasy with a zit. But I liked him because he was the only one that paid any attention to me.

We left and I crashed within a matter of moments.

Sunday, October 22, 6:10 a.m.

I woke up and prepared myself for the day ahead of me. All I needed to do was drop off the tapes to a woman in Great Falls, Montana and I would be on my way back home at 10 p.m. After I barely make it through Atlanta security, I board the plane. I make it to Denver on time and wait for my flight for Great Falls that took off at 11:30 a.m.

As I was talking to my boss, Jen, I look at up notice no one is around me anymore. They had all left. I shot out of my seat and look outside. The plane is there and everyone but me is on it. I rush to the United stand to have them call the plane but it was too late. I had to wait for a 5 p.m. flight. I managed to pass six hours in the boring airport. I had to make sure I was on this plane, otherwise I would be in some kind of trouble.

I made it. I boarded and got to sit in first class. I saw with five other people who had also missed the same flight. How was it that six people missed the same flight - when they were all there? TJ thinks they knew they screwed up and that's how we all got first class. Anyways, the sunset was beautiful.

The airport on the other hand was less than desirable. It was a 60s flashback of orange carpet and wood paneling. The thing I was most startled by was the taxidermy animals. I knew I wasn't in Omaha anymore. I was up north with hunters and mountain men. I stayed at a nearby hotel and crashed after watching Charlie's Angels 2.

Waiting area.

Mountain lion posing on fountain in between escaltors.

Animal heads.

Bear in case.

Monday, October 23, 5:30 a.m.

I got myself ready, very slowly. I wondered to the breakfast area to see what it offered. I had a bagel with cream cheese, yogurt, two bananas and coffee. I was hoping all the fiber wasn't going to make me have to poop on the way home (and it didn't, thank God).

I sat next to a guy around my age on the way to Denver. He entertained me for a little over an hour. He was on his way to Hono Lulu to meet his brother who serves for the Army and is stationed in Korea. He is proposing to his girlfriend and meeting her parents for the first time. He farms, the guy I sat next to, and in the winter travels - because you can't do jack shit in Montana in the winter. For fun, when he isn't traveling, he hunts elk, antelope, coyote, and rabbits.

Back in Omaha, waiting for my bag, a man comments on how it's a rule for every bag to be upside down on the belt. I responded that they are also partially unzipped. I got into my mom's car and she said, 'Be careful your skibbies might fall out.'

'What?!'

'Your bag, it's unzipped.' What do you know, my bag was on its right side, but not zipped.

But now I am home. I am having a half 'me' day. I made frozen pizza and ate half of it and also ate chocolate pudding. I need to clean out Apollo and Martha too. I need an assistant to do that for me, because sometimes I feel too lazy.

goodbye

Sometimes words can't be found for the thoughts that are pouring out. So, songs guide us through these lost words. They get you through certain times. A lot of times they take on different meanings after an event. This one took on a different one for me...about the end of an era, or relationship.

In the past, I have been passive aggressive. It wasn't the best trait I've carried around with me. Leaves were turned several times, but nothing - back to the old. Recently, a new leaf was turned - and it remained on the new side. This also makes me think of the end of my passive aggressive era. Goodbye.

Thank you Jeff for your leaf.

I cried and
I washed my tears
that turned into diamond
Ice
into ice
and if it could freeze
My heart wouldn’t float away

There we
There we go again
Breaking
Breaking porcelain
Is that all I am
just a Doll you got used to
We’ve done
We’ve done this before
as Mars sauntered through his door
Don’t say it’s time to say
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye my Pisces

obi freakshow

What happens when we're in the office, not doing much, and are on the verge of becoming bored?

Well, we play with Danelle's web cam and distort our pictures. And then we turn it into a slideshow with carnival music!

As a sidenote, Danelle and I laughed so hard, I think I may have wet myself, just a little.

crazy (reprise)

Crazy.

No one has ever called me such. Well, not to my face anyways. How does one know they are crazy, or acting in a crazy manner? Should they be told to their face, or behind their back - or not at all?

Maybe they are the crazy ones, for not having balls big enough to say what they would like, to the face of that someone. So my only advice is, if you feel the need to call someone crazy - and they find out, you might as well say it to them, to their face.

But, maybe this just makes me crazy.

------------------------

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
That's my only advice

Come on now
who do you
who do you
who do you
who do you think you are
Ha ha ha
Bless you soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

quote of the day

Weird triumphs sexy, anyday.
-Kerrie

crazy

This song is in my head today. It came last night. It blew in from the west that traveled in from the south. At this point, it's been a short ride. Would it be bumpy? I knew it would. Is there still road left? Maybe. I think it will fork down the way. It will all depend on if we take right or if we travel left. Either way, I just hope there's enough gas.


Not sayin'
Not charmed at all
Not sayin'
that you weren't worth
the fall
But I was alone when
I knew it was real
Down the canyon
when I knew I had come

To the line
Through the dawn
To the light
To the turn
When you said --

You could drive
all night
Drive all night

So I let Crazy
take a spin
Then I let Crazy
settle in
Kicked off my shoes
Shut reason out
He said "first let's just
unzip your religion
down"

Found that I
I craved at all
Saw me melt
into your
native shelter
Where you carved my
name
Paper tigers scare
and came

Alive
Through the dawn
To the light
To the turn
When you said --

You could drive
all night
Drive all night

So I let Crazy
take a spin
Then I let Crazy
settle in
Kicked off my shoes
Shut reason out
He said "first let's just
unzip your religion
down"
So I let Crazy
pull me in
Then I let Crazy
take his spin
Kicked off my shoes
Shut reason out
He said "first let's just unzip
your religion
down"
Heard that you were once
Temptation's Girl"

And as soon
as you have
rearranged the mess
in your head
He will show up looking
sane
perfectly sane
If I know Crazy

------------------------

At this point a character called CRAZY comes into Scarlet's life. "He makes a lot of sense and seems to take the pain away for a while so she follows him. "He's seductive and dangerous and its delicious. But you know that it's not forever because you can't hold on to him." Together they travel through cowboy country and back to the desert, before he abandons her in Tucson.
-Scarlet's Walk Bio

so you're a funny guy?

I read a message from Gina about watching her new video on youtube. She mentioned how she wanted to be on the phone while I watched.

So I did.

And I screamed. (You can notice in the video she mentions 'Jimmys' gonna crap his pants.')

Gina knows my history with clowns. She knows how terrified I am on them. How I get emotional and upset when they are around me, or if I see them on TV. Many of my clown moments have been with her. There is a scene in Scary Movie 2 when there is a clown. It should be funny right? Hell no my friends. I started getting teary-eyed, covered my face and plugged my ears. Not funny at all.

Another moment was in my room at the old house. She had sent me pictures from Universal Studios Halloween Horror Night - pictures of SCARY clowns. I was going to post pictures of them, but got too nervous and anxious when googling them. Anyways, one night, she found the pictures she sent me and hid them throughout my room. I didn't find them for a day (only because I had no idea she had hid anything). The first one I find was under my pillow when I was trying to fall asleep, which gave me nightmares. The next morning I woke up, got ready and put my shoes on, only to find a clown picture was hiding in my New Balances. I would find several as the week went on. She apologized because I really didn't like it or think it was funny. We can laugh now, but it still makes my heart jump.

I am going to end this now, only because I'm getting upset by talking about clowns.

hey girl

Mollie knows how much I love my Mary. She holds a special place in my heart. TJ sent this to me in an email this morning. I laughed, out loud. I wonder if I did this as a child? Maybe not. But one thing I do know I did was chew on our side door (the edges around the windows), which I'm pretty sure had lead paint.

circles

‘Circles,’ I said. ‘I feel like I’m in circle again.’

We were there, in Paris. Isn’t this the city of love? It was bragged up to be so, but the feeling at this moment was quite opposite. Things were slipping. We seemed to be slipping.

I wish I was as strong as the Tower. I could withstand anything. Anything except this.

I can’t remember things that were said between us. They too slipped away. As did our time there, in the city of love.

What I do remember is leaving. Circling down the staircase. Leaving it all.

I left us in Paris. I left the circles.

Staircase courtesy of Jeff.

i'm comin' out

Happy National Coming Out day boys and girls.

I never really understood why there is a day for this. Maybe some feel a little more comfortable with coming out on the 23rd instead of the 11th. Anyways, at least it has a day.

I'm not out to my family, well some I am. But not my mom, which is most important. Someday, hopefully soon I will be. Because it does really suck when I really like someone and I can't tell her. I am thankful I have very accepting friends and it's never an issue. I just wish it wasn't for other people, but such is life.

Maybe I should take direction from this guy in the video below.

dancing queens

This is how they do it in Belgium.

Or maybe they are just hungry and cold.

Here's to street dancing.

birthday boy

happy birthday
to you
happy birthday
to you
happy birthday
asleep
happy birthday
to you

...and many moooooore. (sorry this is a couple days late)

I hope you had a good birthday, it looks as though you did.

Another birthday, today, would be my dad's. I know he is somwhere, watching the television, with his feet kicked up, enjoying a good coffee. He would have had his favorite meal and it would have had lots of hot sauce on it. We would have had a party for him, and not really know what to get him - because he had everything. Ellerie and Gavin would have drawn him a picture or created something with glue. My sister and I would have gone in together on something - maybe dinner, maybe a tool (because Lord knows the man needed another one).

It would have been good times. But I am sure he is somewhere, having good times. With his brother, mom and dad. With past friends, bullshitting, playing jokes on one another. But, anyways, happy birthday.

i heart apples

Babe called me on Sunday morning and suggested we head down to Nebraska City for some apple cider. I agreed and gave Gina a ring to join us. My love for apple cider runs deep like the roots of an apple tree. It's delicious and is a million times better than apple juice.

We paid $6 for the Arbor Day trail and a free tree (not so free?). Along the trail we found a 50 foot tree house. It wasn't very exciting. It actually read that it was over 1,000 feet when we reached the top. This didn't make sense to me, or anyone else. Maybe the boy/girl (we shall call him/her Pat) with the bowl cut would know what the deal was?


Half way through our trail, we came upon a log you could crawl through. When I say 'you,' i mean children. but I thought I'd give it a go. I kinda sorta got stuck for a bit and the children behind me don't find it too amusing, they looked a little pissed actually. Oh well, big kids can have fun too.


This is the apple sample lady. I don't recall her name. But she was good as gold. We told her we were on vacation and wanted to get lots of pictures.


FREE TREES! What could be better? Maybe free cider. This was a green house for trees, I guess. There were a lot of bugs in there, so we didn't stay long.



At the end of our trip, we stopped in to purchase apple cider and apples. Gina has 'problems' with drinking apple juice, so she was nervous to try the cider. She ended up loving it. I have yet to hear the end results. I assumeit went smoothly since I didn't get a call saying how she can't drink cider anymore.

More pictures of our trip to Arbor Day Farm here.

back that ass up

We attended and Black and White party on Saturday evening. I have never been to a theme party and Mollie thought maybe it was similar to something on Laguna Beach. I don't watch, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

The dj was drunk and would not play me and Mollie's dance cd's we made (and let me tell you, they rocked). Rodrigo informed me the next day that the dj did fall asleep. He wasn't very good. But we did dance like nobody's business (we started the dance floor). Paula tried teaching me something. But I like to add an extra step in.

And suprise, I started sweating like a whore in church. It was in a basement, and Danelle seems to think a gas leak was taking place the same time as the party. 'My pores are on fire!' And if you folks are wondering, we had to take her to the ER for first degree burns due to an allergic reaction.

Kidding.

Maybe I shouldn't joke like that. Anyways. It was a good night with many-a latins and language I didn't understand.

video and pictures from Danelle.

oh, lord (put your boots on)

tell me you're crazy maybe then i'll understand
you got your 9 iron in the back seat just in case
heard you've gone south well babe you love your new 4 wheel
i gotta find why you always go when the wind blows
-God



In the past few days it seems like God has been brought up in several conversations. So it has me thinking about everything under the sun, above the earth, in the sky, wherever, everywhere G is.

I was raised Catholic. I didn't quite get it. Yes, I was that strange one in church and in CCD class (kind of like Sunday school, but on Wednesday nights). The only reason I really enjoyed going to mass on Sundays was to sing. I sang loud and let everyone hear me. But I didn't listen to the stories. They seemed a little 'off' to me, like there were missing pages. But I was young and didn't think much of it.

In CCD I would ask questions about Jesus - why didn't he have a wife? What about that Mary lady? My teacher, Dee, whom I still see to this day, would get so angry at me for asking things like that. "Because he is the son of God and doesn't need a wife." I dared not ask if he had a boyfriend!

Baptism to cleanse us of any sin we may have been born with (from our past lives? Oh wait, we don't believe that). Communion to receive the body of Christ (sometimes it's really good bread, but lately it's been hard wafers). Confirmation, a sacrament of initiation into Catholicism (sort of like a fraternity, without the hazing). Three steps to become a Catholic, like AA, but backwards.

When I was younger, we had Father Dan and Father Cruise (who quite priesthood and married) in our church. They were fun, they made you want to come to church. I even had an idea that I wanted to be a priest when I grew older. Can you picture that?! I sure as hell can't now.

There was a time when our church had Father Dennis. Bless his soul. I am sure he was a great man, but he just oozed creepiness. He smelled, was very over-weight would grab my shoulder in a very strange way from time to time. Now, you ask - why was he touching my shoulder? Well, I was an alter boy. Part of Jesus' robed gang as I liked to think of it as. And you would need to hold the Book for him. Stand close enough for him to read it, but stand far enough back so you didn't pass out. I am not speaking ill of this man, just the truth - something the Bible teaches us to do, I think.

Ok, enough of the flash back for now. But God. Why God? Is there one - or several. What about the Greek Gods to whom people prayed to? Why wouldn't they count? Here is my take on it. I don't know what is going on up there, and everywhere. But I know there is something. Even though people pray to a different God. Maybe it's all the same. An idea of something perfect and much more than we can even imagine. But then there are the crazy people, let's build a bridge sorta people, that are all about God, but don't have a fucking clue how to accept or love others as they do themselves. So-called self-righteous Christian soldiers they can be at times. Please practice what your preach - or just mind your own self.

So am I still a Catholic? I don't consider myself one. The word Religion freaks me out - we seem to have lost the spiritual side of it. So many people go to church to feel holy. Well, I can feel holy in my car, or whenever I pray to my God. But I do like the idea that you can go to a certain temple to further your prayers. It's just that there are so many who ruin that for you, and cloud your mind with other things - such as donations, arguing on church boards, and gossiping. Something that should be left at home.

I wish Jesus were here today. He would bring the love back. Bring back the spiritual side of it. He would say everything will be ok. Love who you want (no, this does not mean cheating is ok). He would tell us about the missing pages in the Book. The real deal.



I believe in defending
in what we once
stood for
It seems in vogue
to be a closet
misogynist homophobe

a change of course in
Our direction
a dash of truth
spread thinly
Like a flag
on a popstar
On a Benzodiazapene

You give me yours
I'll give you mine
cause I can look
your God
right in the eye
You give me yours
I'll give you mine
You used to look my God
right in the eye
-pancake

a little something

life would be simpler if...
everyone got along.

i feel most beautiful...
when i have a good pair of jeans on.

the quality i like least about myself...
i recently started to talk bad about my body...i don't like that. so i am stopping.

something that no one knows about me is...
i am an open book, i don't hide much.

guiltiest pleasure?
i have many...Flava of Love, Aqua Teen, Dolly Parton...

high road or low road?
usually the high...but low is needed at times.

my favorite possession is...
i have many favorites...family and freinds would be number one.

when i was little, i wanted to be...
an actor...i wanted terribly to be the little boy in Jurassic Park.

what surprises me most about my adult life is...
i don't think i'm suprised. i feel like i should be doing something else though. maybe i'll write a novel?

the big decision i'm currently wrestling with is...
if i should keep a dream journal...they are crazy. Yesterday it was if I should get the same Jack wallet, or a new one.

my motto is...
i don't have one. maybe i should get one...soon. maybe now. so here it goes...build a bridge and let it go. haha. kidding.

smokin'

Omaha is smoke-free...well, in some places.

Here's to clean smelling clothes after you leave an establishment.

rabbit, where'd you put the keys

Last night, I joined Mollie and Wendy for an evening of fine music. We saw Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins at Sokol.

I recalled Mollie ranting about her, but never listened to her. Well, I fell in love with Jenny in the first song. She sounds like a new version of June Carter Cash, classic yet modern.

While waiting for Jenny to start playing - we people watched. I love this and find it interesting. I made the comment to Wendy, 'Isn't it funny - the emo kids. They all look the same. All black. All smoking.'

'You're exactly right. They make fun of others for all looking the same, but they are the ones that really look alike!'

Anyways, the concert was lovely. And I hope to see her again.

------------------------

Been beat up and battered 'round
Been sent up, and I've been shot down
You're the best thing that I've ever found
Handle me with care

Reputations changeable
Situations tolerable
Baby, you're adorable
Handle me with care

I'm so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Won't you show me that you really care

Everybody's got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on

-Handle Me With Care

a wish?

I was browsing through London pictures and stumbled upon this one - me in Trafalgar Square. All I really remember from this day was a lot of walking and it getting a bit on the chilly side. I wanted to sit next to this fountain because a. I love fountains, b. It had a mermaid on it and c. I was tired and my feet hurt.

Katie asked me if my wish came true today. Thinking back to when we threw our coins into the center. To be honest, I can't remember my wish. Is it lost? Did it go to a place of forgotten fountain wishes?

I have a slight idea of what the wish was - or maybe it was more of a plea, or prayer. One 'wish' that will remain locked in the attics of my mind. Because, even though I don't remember the exact 'wish' - I do remember how I felt that day, in the sqaure, with the mermaid.

-----------------------

one with her hands
open
don't be afraid, she said
no one will know it
just you and me
and when it's over
i'll go back

-The Pool

queer

There are always those people, you can call them vampires if you want - who need to live off of something or someone else to survive. They're fake at times, but haven't we all been?

They're sometimes easy to spot - as they follow on their leash, a puppy. You pull them along, knowing they need you. They can easily run, but they never do.

red's style secrets

WHAT'S IN YOUR CAPSULE WARDROBE?

Shoes are my passion: Pollini, Kurt Geiger, sleek boots by Sergio Rossi. Even if everything else is downplayed, I'll wear good shoes.

When I need to feel strong, I wear Hussein Chalayan; Viktor & Rolf for classic, sharp separates; and Robert Carey Williams when I am feeling hardcore.

IF YOU WANT TO LOOK GLAMOROUS, WHICH DESIGNER DO YOU RELY ON AND WHY?

To me glamour isn't about being sparkly. We are the real canvases, what's inside us; clothes are just our watercolours. But if I had to choose one brand it would be Viktor & Rolf because it is understated and has such intelligence behind it.

WHAT BRAND OF BAG ARE YOU TOTING AT THE MOMENT?

A sky-blue, woven leather Bottega Veneta. Because I have red hair, the colour goes well.

I never bargain-buy shoes or bags: it's always Pollini or a Bottega. And I can't get into the sheep mentality of fashion. If everyone is being seen with an 'It' bag, it's not the 'It' bag for me. I prefer to own a classic or something really new.

DO YOU HAVE A STYLE ICON?

Jackie Onassis. She could wear a T-shirt and it could have the effect of an evening gown.

To read the entire article, go to the Daily Mail.

the bitches are back

Finally, it's here. Desperate Housewives premiered last night. It's back - and good. Sex, lies, dead people in the ground, and more sex.

------------------------

Before Housewives, a group of the London '06 group went to see Dr. Allen perform in Bye Bye Birdie. It was rumored there were bats in the theatre, but to our luck, there weren't any.

It was weird to see our old professor tap dance and sing, but he did such a great job. I hope to see him in many more productions.

After the play, we went to M's, and I had the salmon, which melted in my mouth. I want more.

Then we finished the evening with Ted & Wally's. I had lemon chocolate chip.

still alive

You won't believe what I just found out
She's getting married on the fifth time 'round
Lining on my favorite sight
And I wondered where you are and realize
Something is painted in the snow that you'd like

Finally I'm going no sain
Wanna tell you something
We last for long
Well we've sometimes gone astray
But I can't care for nothing, no way

And I hope again to live this life
Just to see you again before I die

Yes I hope again to live this life
To see you once more before I die

And see you before I die

i need your grace

Last night was the premier of the third season of Grey's Anatomy. I am a little irritated that they moved to Thursday nights, but I will watch anyways. This show hits me on the inside - It's characters, their stories, the music they melt into the scenes.

Mollie know how emotional I can get, especially in movies. It's always movies, a lot of times music too. But movies, for some reason, turn on the water works. And it will be over little things. Maybe this is my outlet for all the times I don't show emotion for something I should?

But back to last night, the water works were turned on all the way to lefty-lucy. This season will be very good. I wish I could watch them all in a row. But you wouldn't see me, or hear from me, for some time. So maybe that is a good thing it's on once a week.




I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

exit 75

it's raining
and chilly out
which i like

what i don't like is thinking
about old loves

why can't the rain just put them out?



I think as you're getting married, all the loves, even 10-minute loves are popping up. Hotel was really like feeling like an agent - a spy - in that he was the greatest guy at one time and they were giving me time behind enemy lines. Even though she knows they can't be lovers because it's a whole other life, she just can't let him go.

Tori Amos
Alternative Press - July 1998

------------------------

i have to learn to let you crash down
i have to learn to let you crash

met 'em in a hotel
met 'em in a hotel
you say he's the biggest thing
there'll be this year
i guess that what i'm seeking
i guess that what i'm seeking
isn't here
met him in a hotel
met him in a guess world
guessed anyone but you

you were wild
where are you now

------------------------

Now, I know I'm not getting married, but you know what I am talking about. The ones you were with, that you can't ever seem to let go. Sure, you can not think about them, even 'forget' them at times - but we both know, we can never actually let them sail ship from our harbor. There are times we want to keep watch on them - or over them - just to see how they are, what they are doing, what they are thinking. But we have to learn we can't do that. It's over. It will never be - again. How do we learn that? Or is it just time that does the trick. Time, that when we are asleep or 'forgetting' they sail their ship from our bay and let's them crash down.

fab

Oh Regina, you do look amazing, and all of the above in your new video. Keep on keepin' on.

------------------------

And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

my babies

Thanks to youtube being crazy for a couple days --- two videos posted. Anyways, this is a short clip of my turtles, Apollo and Martha.

Gina and Dave asked about them when I had a couple people over for the Iowa v Iowa State Game. I figured I would let them out since they haven't crawled around for some time. They loved it. And they got much faster.

But, it was time to put them back, until next time.

hypnotized

this song has playing through the sky lately. it seems to be everywhere. it reminds me of someone. someone who's been keeping me hypnotized.

pirate princess

Danelle's birthday was this past week. To celebrate we went to Naughty. I went once before, and swore to never go back - but I did this one time for her. I too follow Mollie's rules for this sorta thing. But we can bend them from time to time.


A man from Omaha Night Life told Mollie to 'take a picture with the guy she was eyeing from across the room.' We both laughed.


Shaking our pirate booty.


A Jimmy sandwhich with Kristin and Meredith buns.


I do love a pole dance or two.


There were girls there who called themselves the Omaha Calendar Girls. They thought that wearing two pairs of underwear was ok. That is only ok if you are Christina Aguilera and are in the Dirrty video.

safe. sound

Now it's words hard to look at
Hard to look at with the lights on
In your head it must not sound so bad
Or why would you say it
When you know i feel it

------------------------

back
from outer space
or somewhere around there
back
so happy
now
just
next time
say, 'see you'

oh no she didn't

Tori has a new box set - A Piano: The Collection coming out September 26. And that makes me excited.


I was browing Perez and came upon a new Tori song, Not David Bowie. It rocks my face off, so you might want to listen to it - so your face, too, can get rocked off. The song is about her old guitar player, Steve Caton - who she has played with on three albums. She also poked a little with these lyrics from Jackie's Strength ("but virgins always get backstage, no matter what they've got to say") - it was rumored he would get girls back stage to meet Tori so they could meet her - and would sleep with them in return. They stopped playing together after her Plugged Tour and haven't said why they had a falling out, oh well.

------------------------

Vultures in my garden
Figures that I know them
And it is what it is

You were good once
Now you're filled with bitterness
And it is what it is

I cannot forget that he can't forget
or that some friends just change like the seasons
Take me back to the fact that you're still blaming
but I am not the reason you are not David Bowie

Now you want to steal the thoughts
that I haven't even thought
and it is what it is

How 'bout your soulmate pact with the Devil
and needs a date with the surgeon
and it is what it is

I cannot forget that he can't forget
or that some friends just change like the seasons
Take me back to the fact that you're still blaming
but I am not the reason you are not David Bowie

You forgot to value
what all of us have done for you
and it is what it is

You swore you were concious
not a champagne spiritualist
and it is what it is

I cannot forget that he can't forget
or that some friends just change like the seasons
Take me back to the fact that you're still blaming
but I am not the reason you are not David Bowie

white boys can dance

Today Justin Timberlake's album FutureSex/LoveSound came out. I bought it and have been shaking my ass since. Now, many of you may think my moves aren't as smooth as Timberlake's, but a rumor - something you must know, he learned those dance moves from yours truly.

------------------------

Lovestoned

And all she wants is to dance
That's why you'll find her on the floor
But you don't have a chance
Unless you move the way that she likes
That's why she's goin' home with me tonight

Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

element

Last Friday Brent Crampton was mixing at The Max. Mollie, Monika and I met up with our friends Rodrigo and Paula. Someday they will teach us how to Tango and Salsa.

It was a good night of drinks and dancing. We were also Omaha Night Life whores and appeared in many pictures that evening. Please don't be scared off by me in the pictures, I look like a hot mess.

five

Five years ago was never forgotten, but I do think it slips our minds from time to time. All of us know what we were doing that day, how we heard it and so on. I remember my dad waking me up that morning and telling me that a plane crashed into the World Trade Center. We stared at the TV, thinking what the hell is going on?

I remember the drive to school. I remember going to my first class and that being the only thing we talked about. I remember walking out of class, past Eppley, to the student center, and seeing every single person on their phone, talking about what happened.

The world stopped that day. And the weeks that followed went slow - for us here anyway. I'm sure you all can recall trying to find something that wasn't news on TV. One thing I was glad was back on the air were the late night talk shows. David Letterman had one show prior to the video above. Tori was the first performer to sing after the attacks and she played Tom Wait's Time - which seemed to fit well.

------------------------

I Can't See New York

From here
crystal meth
In
metres of millions
In
the end
all we have,
soul blueprint.
did we get
lost in it
do we
conduct a
search
for this

"from the other
side"
from the other
side?
what do they mean side of
what things...

and you said
and you did
and you said
you would find me
here and you said that you would
find me even in Death
and you said
and you said
You'd find me
But

I can't see New York
as I'm circling down
through white cloud
falling out
and
I know your lips
are warm
but I can't seem
to find my way
my way out
of your hunting ground

putting the damage on

This song always makes me think back to a few years ago, to the first boy I fell in love with. It was one of those things you knew you wanted it to work out, but in the end, it could never really be that way. Even though we both said it would be forever, our forever only last about a year. And this song makes me think of him, and the mountains, and the love that was so much, so big, in such a little amount of time.

------------------------

don’t make me scratch on your door
I never left you
for a Banjo
I only just turned around for a poodle
and a corvette
and my impression
of my best Angie Dickenson
but now I’ve got to worry
cause boy you still look pretty
when you’re putting the damage on

------------------------

Um, this I started writing in Australia. Um, during the end of the tour. And I couldn't finish it. This is one of those ones that, she just came and I had to like, keep getting to know her, every day, a little bit more. She would come and visit me every day, but sometimes no music would come. I mean, I'd just take a walk with her, I would sit around with her, I'd see movies with her, and she forced me to see things from a different perspective. And that's how I finally understood, "oh my god, that's the only way that I can write this, if I start seeing him as beautiful. That he's beautiful after all that happened. He's still beautiful, even after no matter what he does." Now that can say a lot about me, or that can say a lot about him.

Tori Amos
WHFS Just Passin' Through - February 12, 1996

not the red baron

Yes folks, I did it once again - ate an entire frozen pizza.

It all started back when I lived in Iowa City, when I was broke. I would buy the cheapest frozen pizzas and then eat them all (because they're never very good reheated). Not only would I eat an entire frozen pizza. I would eat a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's. My favorite was Everything But The...

I know on the last two slices that it was a bad mistake. That I shouldn't have done this. But pizza, being my favorite food, I can't resist.

cinnamon roll (reprise)

Yesterday Mollie and I had our day-of-fun (dof). We haven't had one in awhile, and I've missed her.

We started our dof at one of my favorite places, Farmhouse. My favorite server, Kat, was there. She is always wonderful for good conversation. I always make her tell me about her boyfriend, who works there as a cook, and how they kiss in the kitchen. Yes, what you see in the picture above is the all-famous cinnamon roll, like the ones from the pirate party. And yes, I did eat it all. And to those going to Farmhouse anytime soon, ask for Kat. She makes the cinnamon rolls the best and adds large amounts of fat-free, calorie-free frosting. Well, we can all hope its really that good for you.

Stuffed, we then went to see The Wicker Man. It was interesting at first, but then slowly went downhill. During one scene, Mollie grabed my arm and screamed like a banshee. At the end, we both looked at each other - I said, 'That was weird.' She said, 'That was stupid.' Oh well, they can't all be winners.

labor-free day

Sunday was a good day. Another compound grill out with most of the family and friends. The weather was wonderful - Autumn was knocking on the door. Leaves are beginning to turn and fall. Midnight and Brownie came to play. Uncle John kept throwing them Fritos. Aunt Re would yell at him. Todd and Joe broke out the Jack and Caffeine-Free Diet Coke.

Gavin's new friend, the grasshopper.

Garrett - I think he is one of the cutest babies ever.

'The Hag' - a duck caller. I almost hid it from Gavin and Ellerie because they wouldn't stop duck calling.

Take it like a chicken! A beer-roasted chicken. It was delicious. Jeff, I saved you a piece.

Me, Ellerie, Babe, and Gavin. He seems to be doing his impression of a mummy. And Ellerie is one of the biggest camera posers.

Oh yes, the fire. It's always a good night when you end it with a fire and s'mores. Thanks to Joey, he is a pyro and can make huge fires. Although, this time my mom started this one.

I know you can't really make this picture out, but it was a full moon. The clouds hid it behind them. It was a chilly night - sweater weather is on its way.