ghosts and spooks
and maybe you
maybe you
something for me to do, i said
ghosts and spooks
and maybe you
maybe you are
trick-or-treating me
maybe you, i said
maybe you
can take this
out of my head, i said
maybe you
maybe you
gives me something to do

This was a Tori concert back in 2001 during the Strange Little Tour. This is one of my favorite b-sides of hers...


bachelorette you climb on rooftops and you bachelorette
you can turn dust into champagne
you even remembered his name

bachelorette, the braves you painted pink for bachelorettes
you tried to show him that he can
but you can never rush a man

you must remember
you're a car girl
you're a star girl
you are at the door
the tide will turn
there's a window



Saturday night was spent at the Max with OBI friends.

I was a mummy if anyone had a question. A woman stopped me and asked me what I was. 'A mummy.'

'What? Underwear boy?'

'Does your underwear look like this?'

I didn't think so. And the man at Little Kings thought I was Sandman. I don't see that either. Maybe I wasn't a great mummy, but I thought so!

We will be at Max again, on Tuesday...what should I be this time?


no skeleton key

Last night I saw Margot & The Nuclear So And So's and The Elected. They were amazing. Meredith and I met some wonderful ladies, Jenny and Sunnye, from Kansas city - one who is in a band, The Waiting List.

They came for Elected - we came for Margot - so we both stayed for each other's bands. I'm glad, because they were good. The lead singer also played in Salute Your Shorts as Ronald Foster 'Ronnie' Pinsky. I loved that show.

The evening put me in a wonderful mood - good music - good friends - good weather, it was warmer and misty.

I did a sick, sick thing to my love
My lack of loyalty, it swallowed her up
And she cooked me food
She squirmed and turned
Like a skeleton key
She left her man and attended to me

And don't call me that
Don't claim you love me
Cause you know that ain't true
My dire affliction I'll attribute to you

And you're finally free
To twist and turn
Like a skeleton key

You've gotta let me know
You've gotta let me know

I did a horrible thing to that girl
I bread my misery and drowned it in her
And she got me high
And I hardly noticed there were tears in her eyes

And I miss you less and less everyday
This stream of whisky's helped to wash you away

And it's clear to see
You're nothing special
You're a skeleton key

You've gotta let me know
You've gotta let me know
You've gotta let me know
You've gotta let me know


Click here to see the rest of their videos.

here comes the groom

Because of new laws in New Jersey, TJ and I have decided to move east.

*In past discussions we have ruled out the fact of marriage. We both have very different tastes (mostly in decorating) and have come to terms we would live in different houses.


no. 1 fan

This is why I love my girl.

She says things like this of me...

you smell good
you don't tug at your "mister" in public
you have manners
you can relate to their PMS...because you too suffer from it
you wax any and all stray hairs
...and you smell good


operation: undercover 007

Saturday, October 21, 7 a.m.

I fly from Omaha and connect in Chicago at O'Hare to arrive in Atlanta. I've never had good luck with O'Hare - the first time I was there I missed my flight and had to wait eight hours until the next one with no iPod or cell phone (they were both dead) and the other time my flight was delayed so many times it was 2 a.m. until I made it back home. I was determined to make it through with no problems.

I made it into Hot-lanta around 1:30. I got on Marta and went several stops too far. I always have the problem of getting lost when I am in a new area and by myself. I was trying to make it to Jeff and Shawn's. After many phone calls and uncountable 'fuck!'s' later I made it. Their unit is beautiful and exactly how I pictured it. Cement floors, floor to ceiling windows, photography in black frames. Jazz was playing when I walked in the empty home. I walked in the room I was staying to notice Martha Stewart magazines carefully spread out for my reading pleasures.

I found a place to eat and picked up the tapes I was there for. Now it was time to enjoy myself. Shawn, his 'hall' friend Amy and I make our way to Little Five Points for a Halloween parade. It was interesting. Lots of people with open container and people dressed up in the middle of the day - what else could be more fun? I know - meeting Jeff for the first time. It was great to meet someone you talk to often - like they were an old friend. After the parade we make our way to their friend Kyle's home. It was beautiful, old and spacious. Spacious in the way he didn't have any furniture - but he did have a disco ball in the dining room.

I was standing in the yard, next to the white picket fence when Ashley walked/ran up and I did the same to greet her. I hugged her like I hugged my sister after I haven't seen her for months.

'I can't believe this is you and that you are actually here!' she would repeat. I told her she could touch me if she wanted just to make it official that I was actually there. She would later keep saying that, 'I can't believe you're here.'

We were hungry and went to Vortex, a wonderful burger place. 'I still can't believe you're here.' We talked and laughed and said how it would be more complete if Mollie were here with us. I had a yummy burger that was topped with a pineapple.

Bloggers unite.

That evening Jeff gave me a lovely tour of Midtown Atlanta. Pointing out the significant buildings in the area and even caught a slight moment of Randy Newman singing at the symphony. We half-assed walked Carolyn home and continued on with the 'tour.'

We stopped at Einstein's to see Attention Deficit David and carried on to Blake's. I wanted to see Ashley's dogs before she left, so we went there. On our walk to her place, Jeff informed me 'no on goes hungry in this city.' He was referring to the homeless man who had a wad of cash. Before I saw his cash flow, I thought I should have given him something, but decided not to (I had a flash back of the 'sorry, I only have debit' story).

Ashley's dogs were cute. The girl dog kept humping Jeff. Eric says is because she is dominating him. And the boy dog was greasy with a zit. But I liked him because he was the only one that paid any attention to me.

We left and I crashed within a matter of moments.

Sunday, October 22, 6:10 a.m.

I woke up and prepared myself for the day ahead of me. All I needed to do was drop off the tapes to a woman in Great Falls, Montana and I would be on my way back home at 10 p.m. After I barely make it through Atlanta security, I board the plane. I make it to Denver on time and wait for my flight for Great Falls that took off at 11:30 a.m.

As I was talking to my boss, Jen, I look at up notice no one is around me anymore. They had all left. I shot out of my seat and look outside. The plane is there and everyone but me is on it. I rush to the United stand to have them call the plane but it was too late. I had to wait for a 5 p.m. flight. I managed to pass six hours in the boring airport. I had to make sure I was on this plane, otherwise I would be in some kind of trouble.

I made it. I boarded and got to sit in first class. I saw with five other people who had also missed the same flight. How was it that six people missed the same flight - when they were all there? TJ thinks they knew they screwed up and that's how we all got first class. Anyways, the sunset was beautiful.

The airport on the other hand was less than desirable. It was a 60s flashback of orange carpet and wood paneling. The thing I was most startled by was the taxidermy animals. I knew I wasn't in Omaha anymore. I was up north with hunters and mountain men. I stayed at a nearby hotel and crashed after watching Charlie's Angels 2.

Waiting area.

Mountain lion posing on fountain in between escaltors.

Animal heads.

Bear in case.

Monday, October 23, 5:30 a.m.

I got myself ready, very slowly. I wondered to the breakfast area to see what it offered. I had a bagel with cream cheese, yogurt, two bananas and coffee. I was hoping all the fiber wasn't going to make me have to poop on the way home (and it didn't, thank God).

I sat next to a guy around my age on the way to Denver. He entertained me for a little over an hour. He was on his way to Hono Lulu to meet his brother who serves for the Army and is stationed in Korea. He is proposing to his girlfriend and meeting her parents for the first time. He farms, the guy I sat next to, and in the winter travels - because you can't do jack shit in Montana in the winter. For fun, when he isn't traveling, he hunts elk, antelope, coyote, and rabbits.

Back in Omaha, waiting for my bag, a man comments on how it's a rule for every bag to be upside down on the belt. I responded that they are also partially unzipped. I got into my mom's car and she said, 'Be careful your skibbies might fall out.'


'Your bag, it's unzipped.' What do you know, my bag was on its right side, but not zipped.

But now I am home. I am having a half 'me' day. I made frozen pizza and ate half of it and also ate chocolate pudding. I need to clean out Apollo and Martha too. I need an assistant to do that for me, because sometimes I feel too lazy.



Sometimes words can't be found for the thoughts that are pouring out. So, songs guide us through these lost words. They get you through certain times. A lot of times they take on different meanings after an event. This one took on a different one for me...about the end of an era, or relationship.

In the past, I have been passive aggressive. It wasn't the best trait I've carried around with me. Leaves were turned several times, but nothing - back to the old. Recently, a new leaf was turned - and it remained on the new side. This also makes me think of the end of my passive aggressive era. Goodbye.

Thank you Jeff for your leaf.

I cried and
I washed my tears
that turned into diamond
into ice
and if it could freeze
My heart wouldn’t float away

There we
There we go again
Breaking porcelain
Is that all I am
just a Doll you got used to
We’ve done
We’ve done this before
as Mars sauntered through his door
Don’t say it’s time to say
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye my Pisces


obi freakshow

What happens when we're in the office, not doing much, and are on the verge of becoming bored?

Well, we play with Danelle's web cam and distort our pictures. And then we turn it into a slideshow with carnival music!

As a sidenote, Danelle and I laughed so hard, I think I may have wet myself, just a little.


crazy (reprise)


No one has ever called me such. Well, not to my face anyways. How does one know they are crazy, or acting in a crazy manner? Should they be told to their face, or behind their back - or not at all?

Maybe they are the crazy ones, for not having balls big enough to say what they would like, to the face of that someone. So my only advice is, if you feel the need to call someone crazy - and they find out, you might as well say it to them, to their face.

But, maybe this just makes me crazy.


And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
That's my only advice

Come on now
who do you
who do you
who do you
who do you think you are
Ha ha ha
Bless you soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

quote of the day

Weird triumphs sexy, anyday.



This song is in my head today. It came last night. It blew in from the west that traveled in from the south. At this point, it's been a short ride. Would it be bumpy? I knew it would. Is there still road left? Maybe. I think it will fork down the way. It will all depend on if we take right or if we travel left. Either way, I just hope there's enough gas.

Not sayin'
Not charmed at all
Not sayin'
that you weren't worth
the fall
But I was alone when
I knew it was real
Down the canyon
when I knew I had come

To the line
Through the dawn
To the light
To the turn
When you said --

You could drive
all night
Drive all night

So I let Crazy
take a spin
Then I let Crazy
settle in
Kicked off my shoes
Shut reason out
He said "first let's just
unzip your religion

Found that I
I craved at all
Saw me melt
into your
native shelter
Where you carved my
Paper tigers scare
and came

Through the dawn
To the light
To the turn
When you said --

You could drive
all night
Drive all night

So I let Crazy
take a spin
Then I let Crazy
settle in
Kicked off my shoes
Shut reason out
He said "first let's just
unzip your religion
So I let Crazy
pull me in
Then I let Crazy
take his spin
Kicked off my shoes
Shut reason out
He said "first let's just unzip
your religion
Heard that you were once
Temptation's Girl"

And as soon
as you have
rearranged the mess
in your head
He will show up looking
perfectly sane
If I know Crazy


At this point a character called CRAZY comes into Scarlet's life. "He makes a lot of sense and seems to take the pain away for a while so she follows him. "He's seductive and dangerous and its delicious. But you know that it's not forever because you can't hold on to him." Together they travel through cowboy country and back to the desert, before he abandons her in Tucson.
-Scarlet's Walk Bio

so you're a funny guy?

I read a message from Gina about watching her new video on youtube. She mentioned how she wanted to be on the phone while I watched.

So I did.

And I screamed. (You can notice in the video she mentions 'Jimmys' gonna crap his pants.')

Gina knows my history with clowns. She knows how terrified I am on them. How I get emotional and upset when they are around me, or if I see them on TV. Many of my clown moments have been with her. There is a scene in Scary Movie 2 when there is a clown. It should be funny right? Hell no my friends. I started getting teary-eyed, covered my face and plugged my ears. Not funny at all.

Another moment was in my room at the old house. She had sent me pictures from Universal Studios Halloween Horror Night - pictures of SCARY clowns. I was going to post pictures of them, but got too nervous and anxious when googling them. Anyways, one night, she found the pictures she sent me and hid them throughout my room. I didn't find them for a day (only because I had no idea she had hid anything). The first one I find was under my pillow when I was trying to fall asleep, which gave me nightmares. The next morning I woke up, got ready and put my shoes on, only to find a clown picture was hiding in my New Balances. I would find several as the week went on. She apologized because I really didn't like it or think it was funny. We can laugh now, but it still makes my heart jump.

I am going to end this now, only because I'm getting upset by talking about clowns.


hey girl

Mollie knows how much I love my Mary. She holds a special place in my heart. TJ sent this to me in an email this morning. I laughed, out loud. I wonder if I did this as a child? Maybe not. But one thing I do know I did was chew on our side door (the edges around the windows), which I'm pretty sure had lead paint.



‘Circles,’ I said. ‘I feel like I’m in circle again.’

We were there, in Paris. Isn’t this the city of love? It was bragged up to be so, but the feeling at this moment was quite opposite. Things were slipping. We seemed to be slipping.

I wish I was as strong as the Tower. I could withstand anything. Anything except this.

I can’t remember things that were said between us. They too slipped away. As did our time there, in the city of love.

What I do remember is leaving. Circling down the staircase. Leaving it all.

I left us in Paris. I left the circles.

Staircase courtesy of


i'm comin' out

Happy National Coming Out day boys and girls.

I never really understood why there is a day for this. Maybe some feel a little more comfortable with coming out on the 23rd instead of the 11th. Anyways, at least it has a day.

I'm not out to my family, well some I am. But not my mom, which is most important. Someday, hopefully soon I will be. Because it does really suck when I really like someone and I can't tell her. I am thankful I have very accepting friends and it's never an issue. I just wish it wasn't for other people, but such is life.

Maybe I should take direction from this guy in the video below.

dancing queens

This is how they do it in Belgium.

Or maybe they are just hungry and cold.

Here's to street dancing.


birthday boy

happy birthday
to you
happy birthday
to you
happy birthday
happy birthday
to you

...and many moooooore. (sorry this is a couple days late)

I hope you had a good birthday, it looks as though you did.

Another birthday, today, would be my dad's. I know he is somwhere, watching the television, with his feet kicked up, enjoying a good coffee. He would have had his favorite meal and it would have had lots of hot sauce on it. We would have had a party for him, and not really know what to get him - because he had everything. Ellerie and Gavin would have drawn him a picture or created something with glue. My sister and I would have gone in together on something - maybe dinner, maybe a tool (because Lord knows the man needed another one).

It would have been good times. But I am sure he is somewhere, having good times. With his brother, mom and dad. With past friends, bullshitting, playing jokes on one another. But, anyways, happy birthday.

i heart apples

Babe called me on Sunday morning and suggested we head down to Nebraska City for some apple cider. I agreed and gave Gina a ring to join us. My love for apple cider runs deep like the roots of an apple tree. It's delicious and is a million times better than apple juice.

We paid $6 for the Arbor Day trail and a free tree (not so free?). Along the trail we found a 50 foot tree house. It wasn't very exciting. It actually read that it was over 1,000 feet when we reached the top. This didn't make sense to me, or anyone else. Maybe the boy/girl (we shall call him/her Pat) with the bowl cut would know what the deal was?

Half way through our trail, we came upon a log you could crawl through. When I say 'you,' i mean children. but I thought I'd give it a go. I kinda sorta got stuck for a bit and the children behind me don't find it too amusing, they looked a little pissed actually. Oh well, big kids can have fun too.

This is the apple sample lady. I don't recall her name. But she was good as gold. We told her we were on vacation and wanted to get lots of pictures.

FREE TREES! What could be better? Maybe free cider. This was a green house for trees, I guess. There were a lot of bugs in there, so we didn't stay long.

At the end of our trip, we stopped in to purchase apple cider and apples. Gina has 'problems' with drinking apple juice, so she was nervous to try the cider. She ended up loving it. I have yet to hear the end results. I assumeit went smoothly since I didn't get a call saying how she can't drink cider anymore.

More pictures of our trip to Arbor Day Farm here.


back that ass up

We attended and Black and White party on Saturday evening. I have never been to a theme party and Mollie thought maybe it was similar to something on Laguna Beach. I don't watch, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

The dj was drunk and would not play me and Mollie's dance cd's we made (and let me tell you, they rocked). Rodrigo informed me the next day that the dj did fall asleep. He wasn't very good. But we did dance like nobody's business (we started the dance floor). Paula tried teaching me something. But I like to add an extra step in.

And suprise, I started sweating like a whore in church. It was in a basement, and Danelle seems to think a gas leak was taking place the same time as the party. 'My pores are on fire!' And if you folks are wondering, we had to take her to the ER for first degree burns due to an allergic reaction.


Maybe I shouldn't joke like that. Anyways. It was a good night with many-a latins and language I didn't understand.

video and pictures from Danelle.


oh, lord (put your boots on)

tell me you're crazy maybe then i'll understand
you got your 9 iron in the back seat just in case
heard you've gone south well babe you love your new 4 wheel
i gotta find why you always go when the wind blows

In the past few days it seems like God has been brought up in several conversations. So it has me thinking about everything under the sun, above the earth, in the sky, wherever, everywhere G is.

I was raised Catholic. I didn't quite get it. Yes, I was that strange one in church and in CCD class (kind of like Sunday school, but on Wednesday nights). The only reason I really enjoyed going to mass on Sundays was to sing. I sang loud and let everyone hear me. But I didn't listen to the stories. They seemed a little 'off' to me, like there were missing pages. But I was young and didn't think much of it.

In CCD I would ask questions about Jesus - why didn't he have a wife? What about that Mary lady? My teacher, Dee, whom I still see to this day, would get so angry at me for asking things like that. "Because he is the son of God and doesn't need a wife." I dared not ask if he had a boyfriend!

Baptism to cleanse us of any sin we may have been born with (from our past lives? Oh wait, we don't believe that). Communion to receive the body of Christ (sometimes it's really good bread, but lately it's been hard wafers). Confirmation, a sacrament of initiation into Catholicism (sort of like a fraternity, without the hazing). Three steps to become a Catholic, like AA, but backwards.

When I was younger, we had Father Dan and Father Cruise (who quite priesthood and married) in our church. They were fun, they made you want to come to church. I even had an idea that I wanted to be a priest when I grew older. Can you picture that?! I sure as hell can't now.

There was a time when our church had Father Dennis. Bless his soul. I am sure he was a great man, but he just oozed creepiness. He smelled, was very over-weight would grab my shoulder in a very strange way from time to time. Now, you ask - why was he touching my shoulder? Well, I was an alter boy. Part of Jesus' robed gang as I liked to think of it as. And you would need to hold the Book for him. Stand close enough for him to read it, but stand far enough back so you didn't pass out. I am not speaking ill of this man, just the truth - something the Bible teaches us to do, I think.

Ok, enough of the flash back for now. But God. Why God? Is there one - or several. What about the Greek Gods to whom people prayed to? Why wouldn't they count? Here is my take on it. I don't know what is going on up there, and everywhere. But I know there is something. Even though people pray to a different God. Maybe it's all the same. An idea of something perfect and much more than we can even imagine. But then there are the crazy people, let's build a bridge sorta people, that are all about God, but don't have a fucking clue how to accept or love others as they do themselves. So-called self-righteous Christian soldiers they can be at times. Please practice what your preach - or just mind your own self.

So am I still a Catholic? I don't consider myself one. The word Religion freaks me out - we seem to have lost the spiritual side of it. So many people go to church to feel holy. Well, I can feel holy in my car, or whenever I pray to my God. But I do like the idea that you can go to a certain temple to further your prayers. It's just that there are so many who ruin that for you, and cloud your mind with other things - such as donations, arguing on church boards, and gossiping. Something that should be left at home.

I wish Jesus were here today. He would bring the love back. Bring back the spiritual side of it. He would say everything will be ok. Love who you want (no, this does not mean cheating is ok). He would tell us about the missing pages in the Book. The real deal.

I believe in defending
in what we once
stood for
It seems in vogue
to be a closet
misogynist homophobe

a change of course in
Our direction
a dash of truth
spread thinly
Like a flag
on a popstar
On a Benzodiazapene

You give me yours
I'll give you mine
cause I can look
your God
right in the eye
You give me yours
I'll give you mine
You used to look my God
right in the eye


a little something

life would be simpler if...
everyone got along.

i feel most beautiful...

when i have a good pair of jeans on.

the quality i like least about myself...
i recently started to talk bad about my body...i don't like that. so i am stopping.

something that no one knows about me is...
i am an open book, i don't hide much.

guiltiest pleasure?
i have many...Flava of Love, Aqua Teen, Dolly Parton...

high road or low road?

usually the high...but low is needed at times.

my favorite possession is...
i have many favorites...family and freinds would be number one.

when i was little, i wanted to be...
an actor...i wanted terribly to be the little boy in Jurassic Park.

what surprises me most about my adult life is...

i don't think i'm suprised. i feel like i should be doing something else though. maybe i'll write a novel?

the big decision i'm currently wrestling with is...
if i should keep a dream journal...they are crazy. Yesterday it was if I should get the same Jack wallet, or a new one.

my motto is...

i don't have one. maybe i should get one...soon. maybe now. so here it goes...build a bridge and let it go. haha. kidding.



Omaha is smoke-free...well, in some places.

Here's to clean smelling clothes after you leave an establishment.

rabbit, where'd you put the keys

Last night, I joined Mollie and Wendy for an evening of fine music. We saw Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins at Sokol.

I recalled Mollie ranting about her, but never listened to her. Well, I fell in love with Jenny in the first song. She sounds like a new version of June Carter Cash, classic yet modern.

While waiting for Jenny to start playing - we people watched. I love this and find it interesting. I made the comment to Wendy, 'Isn't it funny - the emo kids. They all look the same. All black. All smoking.'

'You're exactly right. They make fun of others for all looking the same, but they are the ones that really look alike!'

Anyways, the concert was lovely. And I hope to see her again.


Been beat up and battered 'round
Been sent up, and I've been shot down
You're the best thing that I've ever found
Handle me with care

Reputations changeable
Situations tolerable
Baby, you're adorable
Handle me with care

I'm so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Won't you show me that you really care

Everybody's got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on

-Handle Me With Care