oh, lord (put your boots on)

tell me you're crazy maybe then i'll understand
you got your 9 iron in the back seat just in case
heard you've gone south well babe you love your new 4 wheel
i gotta find why you always go when the wind blows
-God



In the past few days it seems like God has been brought up in several conversations. So it has me thinking about everything under the sun, above the earth, in the sky, wherever, everywhere G is.

I was raised Catholic. I didn't quite get it. Yes, I was that strange one in church and in CCD class (kind of like Sunday school, but on Wednesday nights). The only reason I really enjoyed going to mass on Sundays was to sing. I sang loud and let everyone hear me. But I didn't listen to the stories. They seemed a little 'off' to me, like there were missing pages. But I was young and didn't think much of it.

In CCD I would ask questions about Jesus - why didn't he have a wife? What about that Mary lady? My teacher, Dee, whom I still see to this day, would get so angry at me for asking things like that. "Because he is the son of God and doesn't need a wife." I dared not ask if he had a boyfriend!

Baptism to cleanse us of any sin we may have been born with (from our past lives? Oh wait, we don't believe that). Communion to receive the body of Christ (sometimes it's really good bread, but lately it's been hard wafers). Confirmation, a sacrament of initiation into Catholicism (sort of like a fraternity, without the hazing). Three steps to become a Catholic, like AA, but backwards.

When I was younger, we had Father Dan and Father Cruise (who quite priesthood and married) in our church. They were fun, they made you want to come to church. I even had an idea that I wanted to be a priest when I grew older. Can you picture that?! I sure as hell can't now.

There was a time when our church had Father Dennis. Bless his soul. I am sure he was a great man, but he just oozed creepiness. He smelled, was very over-weight would grab my shoulder in a very strange way from time to time. Now, you ask - why was he touching my shoulder? Well, I was an alter boy. Part of Jesus' robed gang as I liked to think of it as. And you would need to hold the Book for him. Stand close enough for him to read it, but stand far enough back so you didn't pass out. I am not speaking ill of this man, just the truth - something the Bible teaches us to do, I think.

Ok, enough of the flash back for now. But God. Why God? Is there one - or several. What about the Greek Gods to whom people prayed to? Why wouldn't they count? Here is my take on it. I don't know what is going on up there, and everywhere. But I know there is something. Even though people pray to a different God. Maybe it's all the same. An idea of something perfect and much more than we can even imagine. But then there are the crazy people, let's build a bridge sorta people, that are all about God, but don't have a fucking clue how to accept or love others as they do themselves. So-called self-righteous Christian soldiers they can be at times. Please practice what your preach - or just mind your own self.

So am I still a Catholic? I don't consider myself one. The word Religion freaks me out - we seem to have lost the spiritual side of it. So many people go to church to feel holy. Well, I can feel holy in my car, or whenever I pray to my God. But I do like the idea that you can go to a certain temple to further your prayers. It's just that there are so many who ruin that for you, and cloud your mind with other things - such as donations, arguing on church boards, and gossiping. Something that should be left at home.

I wish Jesus were here today. He would bring the love back. Bring back the spiritual side of it. He would say everything will be ok. Love who you want (no, this does not mean cheating is ok). He would tell us about the missing pages in the Book. The real deal.



I believe in defending
in what we once
stood for
It seems in vogue
to be a closet
misogynist homophobe

a change of course in
Our direction
a dash of truth
spread thinly
Like a flag
on a popstar
On a Benzodiazapene

You give me yours
I'll give you mine
cause I can look
your God
right in the eye
You give me yours
I'll give you mine
You used to look my God
right in the eye
-pancake