mary jane

oh lord
i need a fix
please send it my way
to fix all these broken things
just breath in
the medicine you give me
please send me mary
she'll fix all that's broken
send mary to make me smile again

Well he said,
Mom I want to forni–
I mean formulate and discover the realms of the unknown
With Mary Jane.

After all you’ll be away for the weekend
Just please consent
I need a friend.

I admit your puberty was somewhat strange
Could this be fixed with Mary Jane?
Mary Jane, Mary Jane, Mary Jane
Mary Jane who?

So I said,
Son you want to permeate and discover
the realms of the unknown with Mary Jane
After all the other boys that are your age
They only wake to medicate

Do I know the family?
Is she even family when she’s out in society?

“She even bakes,
She even bakes!!!
These odd brownies!”
Mary Jane, Mary Jane, Mary Jane
Mary Jane who?

Then he said,
I believe in her family,
on her maternal side,
there was a Dr Tetra-hydro-cannabinol, pure isomer Dronabinol…

Mary Jane who?
Mary Jane who?


ahhh big booty

Ever since summer ended when the weather grows cold, then colder, then unbearable, and I no longer run outside, I've gained weight. No, not seven pounds like the lovely Ms. Gordon, I went from 170-ish to much higher. Much higher being 199. When I saw that number I told myself, "It's either time to start getting your ass into the gym again or save for lipo." Since lipo is not in the budget and I already have a gym membership, I opted for working out.

Molly told me before my 21st birthday I would no longer be able to eat entire frozen pizzas (my drug of choice was Digiorno's or Freschetta pepperoni). I could eat a whole pizza and not feel the affects of it. Well, 21 hit and I couldn't eat the whole thing, but I could eat half of it! Now, at 26 I can eat maybe 2 slices. Oh, metabolism, where art thou? I can't seem to kick the weight I gained. True I am just not getting back into going to the gym on a regular basis so that should help. Plus the weather is nicer and I have been running around the lake.

After the tornado the other day I found myself in Complete Nutrition looking at fat burners. I have always prided myself on never taking any pills other than vitamins. But I've thrown that pride wayside for now. The very enthusiastic sales associate told me about ShredSTACK. Let's hope it works and doesn't give me a heart attack. I'm on my second day of taking it and so far feel fine. I've dropped a couple pounds already in the past week, but I think that is mostly due to depression - the best diet ever.
Extreme Muscle Sparing, Fat-Burning Stack STACK THE LIQUID ATTACK! With advanced delivery systems in MegaShred liquid softgels and Assault liquid capsules, these advanced fat-targeting formulas won't compromise any of the muscle you've worked so hard to gain.


porta potty on saint patty

I know this is a week old, but oh well. Saint Patrick's Day was off to a wonderful start when I was wearing a green polo with an elephant on it. For lunch we walked to Clancy's where I had a green beer and my very first corned beef sandwich. I was skeptical by the name of the meat alone. But after tasting it wasn't bad, a little on the dry side, but tasted like salami.

I left work early to join Shelly and Frank in the Irish festivities. Frank met an ex-pro football player who sells medical supplies now. Chelsea and Dan met up with us later. Chelsea wasn't wearing green, so I don't even know why she came - but she never got pinched. Poker Face started playing and we danced like no one knew us. If I had to be a woman, I would want to be Lady Gaga, I think she is so rad.

Chelsea ordered her first beer, ever.

When no music was playing Dan pulled out his mini speakers and we rocked out.

Below are images from the inside of porta pottys. I love when people write things on bathroom walls and I always take photos of them. Some are mighty clever.

When we left the bar Dan and I decided we were hungry. We made it for Kona happy hour where it was dead. All in all it was a good night. Next year, I will dress up like a leprechaun or a rainbow where my genitals will be a pot of gold, I haven't decided.



when you told me the news
you knew i wouldn't sing the same tune
it cuts and pains me
to know i'd have to compete with the other side of the world
so go
and fly
without me by your side
talk happy on the phone
like you've already forgot about me and your home
goodbye 1's and 0's



Tori's REAL album cover was revealed as well as the track listing. She had a conversation discussing the idea of her 10th album with Spinner. I'm pumped to hear what it will sound like! I'll also have to start saving my pennies for her summer tour....AHHHHH!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!

1. ‘Give’
2. ‘Welcome to England’
3. ‘Strong Black Vine’
4. ‘Flavor’
5. ‘Not Dying Today’
6. ‘Maybe California’
7. ‘Curtain Call’
8. ‘Fire to Your Plain’
9. ‘Police Me’
10. ‘That Guy’
11. ‘Abnormally Attracted to Sin’
12. ’500 Miles’
13. ‘Mary Jane’
14. ‘Starling’
15. ‘Fast Horse’
16. ‘Ophelia’
17. ‘Lady in Blue’