I have had this feeling for some time. The feeling led me to Iowa City first. It was mostly because my dad had passed away and I wanted to get away from everything that reminded me of him. But a year there led me back home to Carter Lake.
This time is much different. I have visited California three times. I fell in love with it when I stepped off the plane. I don’t know if it’s because I am from the Midwest, but I still get excited whenever I see a palm tree or the ocean. There’s something so beautiful about them. It puts me in a strangely good mood. The sun is different there too. It’s warmer. I look outside and the smile that appears on my face doesn’t seem to leave.
Now, palm trees and the ocean are great and all, but there is a man there that I also fell in love with – more so than the ocean I must admit. I have never felt like this about someone before. I know I’m not aged or have very much experience in relationships. But any type of love I thought I had felt from someone or for someone is nothing like this. I don’t even know how to explain it. Everything is perfectly in place. The puzzle pieces fit – there’s no misshaped parts and the picture is creates when it’s finished is beautiful.
There’s been no death in the family. I’m not running from anything or anyone. I am moving to Long Beach. This won’t be like last time where I move back home when things turn to shit. I am in a very different place in my life - a healthy, happy place.
This said raises concerns for friends and family. Many of my friends are very supportive for my decisions. Some are very indifferent about things. They have yet to meet Asleep and I can understand their concerns. In past relationships I’ve wanted my friends to meet the guy – to judge him and find his downfalls. With Asleep it’s different. There may be judging and such, but I’m not bringing him to them to pass judgment. It’s on a more mature level.
There’s also concern to some of what happens when we break up or things go bad. Well, I’m not a fortune-teller and can’t tell what will or won’t happen. But the thing is – I’m not worried about those things. Mollie said it best when she said, ‘You don’t show a pregnant woman a picture of a handicapped baby and say ‘this could happen to you.’’ He and I have a mutual understanding of what e will be and how we will love one another.
I’m not scared of my decision to move. I’m not leaving my life here. I’m not leaving my family. That’s the good thing about them – they don’t leave you, they will always be there for me. And family and friends are always a flight away.
I will drive to my new home at the end of February. Now you have a reason to visit the west coast. Thank you to those who don’t find me too crazy for my reasoning. To those who think I am out of my mind or say negative things, I love you too, but stop being a Debbie Downer, I’ve always been supportive of you.