something i don't know

I think we go through stages. well, I don't know if you would call it that. But i don't know what else to call it, so we'll just say stages.

We all have people in our lives who go onto different things and meet new people. Sometimes they stick around, other times not. I'm seeming to have a troubling time with evolving. Growing into something I have no idea what I should be growing into. Guidance is skewed. So are once thought perceptions of people - why can't we all just stay they same? But we can't stay the same, because then life would be boring. Our ideas, conversations, relationships, even friendships all change. Like summer to fall, and fall into winter. This might not makes sense to many of you, but then again, life doesn't make sense.

threads that are golden
don't break easily
-Tori Amos, Horses

ode to facebook

you haven't poked me in awhile
it always gave me a big smile
you haven't poked me in awhile
i feel our relationships' gone mild
you haven't poked me in awhile
i'm in the mood for something wild
you haven't poked me in awhile
press that button, don't be shy
because poking can make one feel sly
come on poke me every now and then
i'll return the favor like a gentleman
so come on poke me don't be shy
click right here and poke me right

dawson's creek random quote #1

Jen: You should stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, it might bleed to death.

Oh, Jen, how you know all about the trails and tribulations of teenage love. True, this bad girl knows a thing or two about romance and in this scene she breaks a young freshman's heart by turning him down.

under the blacklight

I purchased Rilo Kiley's cd Under the Blacklight the other day, and I love it. Yes, it doesn't really sound like anything they've done, but it's a new sound and it will take some getting used to. The only thing I think that could have been better is the length of the songs. It seems there is a lot of chorus and little verses. A favorite of my would be Silver Lining and Breakin' Up, so good. The beats in Blacklight are bomb. And Dejalo makes me shake my moneymaker.

I love you Jenny. Marry me.



and the grass, it was a' tickin'
and the sun was on the rise.
i never felt so wicked,
as when i willed our love to die.

and i was your silver lining, as the story goes.
i was your sliver lining, but now i'm gold.

first day

Today was Gavin's first day of preschool and Ellerie's second da of kindergarten. He seemed thrilled. She seemed like she was going to have a meltdown.

I will always remember the first day riding the bus. It was taking us to a different school in a different city. A city where there would be new people. As you learn after time, new people are good to meet. New cities are fun to visit. Things aren't ever as bad as we think of them. In time, Ellerie will not cry at bus stops, but she will move on to worrying about how good her jeans look with that shirt.

nightswimming

for two people i love...



the photograph reflects,
every streetlight a reminder
nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night

holy storm batman!

Last night's strong winds seemed to prove too much for some of the trees around my house. The neighbor's tree snapped in two and covered most of the street. One branch seemed to find its way across the street and into the roof of our garage and a small twig into my sister's camper. They say there were no tornadoes, but there must have been more than strong winds through my yard. When I got home from watching Dawson's, it looked like a war took place on 7th Street.





This morning there was cedar on my hands. Hauling and dragging broken branches to the curb. Damaged: hole in roof of house and garage, ripped up fences, the top of a tree, the slide off the kid's swing set, and their trampoline, which, if not stopped by our fence could probably be found at the bottom of the lake.

umbrella

This is interesting, and kind of pretty. I just love Mandy Moore, I think she is gorgeous.



Is it just me, or is Mandy the only normal girl in the public eye right now? You have all the crazy, drugged up, trying to make a comeback bitches who fog everything up. I think we need more Mandy Moore's.

lawrence, ks

VIP tickets went on sale this morning for Lawrence, KS for November 9. We had thought all Platinum tickets were gone so were purchased Gold. What do you know, Platinum went back up and we purchased those as well.

If anyone would like to come with Heather and I to good ol' Lawrence, you can purchase two (or one) Gold package for OR CTR, Row M, seats 111-112. Oh, come on, you know you want them!

little earthquakes

My eye twitches sometimes. I was surrounded by the thoughts I smash. They decided I would be a good dinner. I decided I wanted 3 bridges in this song.

Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes Songbook

There is something really wonderful about this song. Not for the fact the man in the song and her have fights that can tear what they have apart - but for the way the words describe their relationship. Because really, how many times have little earthquakes ripped us in two?

and i hate elevator music
the way we fight
the way i'm left here silent

and i hate disintegration
watching us wither
black winged roses
that safely changed their COLOR

oh these little earthquakes
here we go again
these little earthquakes
doesn't take much to
rip us into pieces

i can't reach you
can't reach you
give me life
give me pain
give me myself again

Below are two versions. Tori's and a guitar man, Julean Rai.

windy

Last night, after I got home from Amy's and checked my email, I heard what sounded like a train outside my window. I look outside to see the wind pushing trees right to left, back to front. I was hoping it would storm! Well, I never wake up for storms, but I did wake up to this outside my kitchen window. It was a little too windy for a tree to the north of us. Rest in peace branch.

As a sidenote of yesterday, Amy and I were at the pool. I have a suspicion wasps have built a nest in the pool basketball thing because there were several swarming around it. They were also swarming around me, I don't care too much for them. I was anxious all pool time. So nervous that one would sting me, I would often run from them and flip off my raft when one would approach or come too near. At one point I thought one was on me, and I flipped off my raft, when I did so I got a knot the size of Montana in my calf. It hurt so bad! Next time I go to the pool, I'm bringing my Raid!

mad rush

It's that time again - Tori Amos ticket sales. Today was the beginning of the pre-sales and VIP tickets. I had Jamie to help me, but people in Chicago and Denver are too fast. I did score some amazing seats for the Omaha show (third row, center - what! what!).

The deal with the VIP tickets sounds like a good one. You get to sit in on her sound check, get to meet her, have great seats, get a gift package, and a few other random things. It better be worth the high ticket price.

The month of November will be a good one for me, a giant Tori fan. I'll be at a couple shows: Chicago, Omaha, Lawrence, and Denver. So if you see me, wave.

art in manila

Last Friday, Art In Manila had their cd release party. They played the entire album. It was a very good show. They were also one of Spin's Artist of the Day last week.

They will be on tour this fall with one of my favorites, Rilo Kiley! Maybe I can get a hug from Jenny Lewis? A boy can hope, can't he?!

birthday girl

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She turned a very young 58. To celebrate Jan's Kitchen's age gain, Dawn, my sister, and I had family and friends over for pasta and cake.

A day before her birthday, she had thought she was going to be 59. She was a year ahead of herself. That said, she was sad to know she had one less year to go until retirement!

I love this woman. She is amazing. She also puts up with me. You can call me a momma's boy. She does so much for me. I can't thank her enough.

Happy Birthday Mom. Love you.

niobrara

We left mid-day, I felt it should have been earlier. The drive to Niobrara was long and tiring. But I was with Michael, so there was bound to be good conversation. We were limited in song selections, but we listened to the good stuff.

Making short stops, we drove through small towns. Towns not even considered small, or maybe even towns for that matter. I enjoyed one the most. I don't recall its name, but they had an OK Auto, OK Tire and just and OK. I don't know what that would have been, I assume something with fixing things up.

You know you're getting closer when the land starts to dip and rise to hills and pine trees grow from the ground. It reminds me of Colorado in a way. I love it there. We make a couple turns and arrive to a dirt road. A twenty minute ride through ranches and cow crossings and we come to our camp grounds.

The river was pretty. It raced slowly through rocks. The edge was untouched with flowers of all sorts. A small boy played by himself in the middle.


The tent situation was interesting. My last time roughing it in a tent was when I was a cub scout in second grade. With no instructions, we erected our tent. Michael did it mostly, I held poles for support. We can thank his several years in Boy Scouts for that.

That night I slept in my underwear. It was too hot for anything more. I also slept about two hours.


The next morning we were tubing down the river. We left around 9 a.m. All 16 of us piled into a bus covered in dust with coolers in the back. I slept most of the way. We reached our destination past Smith Falls. I wanted to see the big waterfall, but I was informed I couldn't.

The cooler I brought was giant. I named it Goliath. It was made of steel and instantly weighed the tube down, dragging it along the rocks. I applied my SPF and grabbed a Coors Light. I was tapping the Rockies.

Tubing was nice, minus the shallow parts where someone had to drag all 20 tubes into deeper water. We came to the first waterfall an hour or so after floating downstream. We think it may have come from South Dakota, but no one is sure. The water is ice cold. So cold any buzz I may have had was gone. People who tube yearly called this the jacuzzi. There I dipped my head to toe under the arctic water and we saw a prehistoric mosquito the size of a hand.


Awhile later we came to another waterfall. But first we needed to go over 'dangerous rapids' which involved us hauling the tubes down rocks and through stagnate, dead water. This waterfall was like steps. Giant steps we climbed up. It seemed like we were the first ones to ever step foot in it. I loved that.

After more river we made it back to our camp. We had a good dinner, thanks to Michael. I craved ice cream, but then again, I always crave ice cream. The older kids (us) stayed up all night, the young ones couldn't keep their eyes open.

My pyro side surfaced. I found a bottle of lighter fluid and started squirting it in the fire. I was sad to see it didn't last very long. I threw a bag of Fritos in. Happy to see a 99-cent bag can burn brightly as long as 20 minutes. From Frito bags to sour cream dip containers, beer bottles to whatever I could find that wasn't being used.

The best part of the night was discovering citronella candles are flammable and burn until the wax is gone. We had our camp fire and three citronella burning. We called it our sacrificial fire to spirits. After naming it that, a locust flew down from the trees and sacrificed itself in a candle. It made a loud pop. Best part of the night. We were all 12-year-old again.


We left early the next morning. I made the decision to never sleep in a tent again. If I would have to, to at least have an air mattress. The ride home seemed faster. Passing through the small towns again, I waved to OK Auto. I don't mind driving, as long as I have good music. It's my 'me' time, my time to think. You can only imagine how happy I was to sleep in my bed that night. It was heaven.

To see more photos from the trip.

american doll posse tour

Praise Jesus, Tori Amos is finally coming to the states! Let's see how many I can get to!

October 9 – Albany, NY
October 11 – New York, NY
October 12 – New York, NY
October 13 – Syracuse, NY
October 15 – Philadelphia, PA
October 18 – Boston, MA
October 21 – Montreal, Canada
October 23 – Toronto, Canada
October 24 – Buffalo, NY
October 26 – Washington, DC
October 27 – Detroit, MI
October 28 – Louisville, KY
October 30 – Pittsburgh, PA
November 1 – Cleveland, OH
November 2 – Indianapolis, IN
November 3 – Milwaukee, WI
November 5 – Chicago, IL
November 7 – Minneapolis, MN
November 9 – Lawrence, KS
November 10 – Omaha, NE
November 12 – Nashville, TN
November 13 – Charlotte, NC
November 14 – Atlanta, GA
November 21 – West Palm Beach, FL
November 24 – Dallas, TX
November 25 – Houston, TX
November 26 – Austin, TX
November 28 – Denver, CO
November 29 – Salt Lake City, UT
December 3 – Vancouver, CAN
December 4 – Portland, OR
December 5 – Seattle, WA
December 7 – San Francisco, CA
December 17 – Los Angeles, CA

now you know jack

While browsing the isles of Target with Amy, I stumbled upon a new product. Jack - soaps, lotions, shaving creams, and so on. What caught my eye was the square soap. Not only did it appeal to my eyes, it smells very good (the signature scent, not the other two). On first use of the soap I found myself to be very happy. It lathers extremely well and it gives you a tingly sensation. Plus, you get three bars (or would they be squares?) for around $5. Not bad if I say so.

one night only

Two and a half years ago a lovely bar closed. Joy was one of the few gay bars in Omaha. I enjoyed going because of the atmosphere and good drinks - they also played bangin' music. I'm not sure why it closed, but all the queers had to go to Max from that point on.

After closing, they re-opened it as Joseph's, a 30s single bar that failed.

Last night, however, Joy opened for one night only. A drag show of all the original N'Joy girls took place and they filled the place by 10 p.m.


This photo doesn't do this behind any justice. That is the rear end of the owner of Joy, Eric. He now does drag and does wonderfully at it. Jeffrey also did a great show of Spoon Full of Sugar/Umbrella. The closing performance of Eric was entertaining. Kevin made a rad backup dancer. Kevin, if you're reading this, please return my boxer briefs asap.

Matt's after hours are awesome as always. I don't know how people stay up so late. But I made it until 4 a.m. I was proud of myself. I love nights like these. You get to see people you don't always get to see, and that's a very nice thing.

wiped away

The other day my MySpace disappeared. I'm not sure where it went but it peaced out.

I now have 0 friends. No name. And I went from being a Sagittarius to a Capricorn who doesn't want kids.

It makes me a little sad. Not that my life is on a downward spiral with no MySpace, but for the fact of finding all of the out-of-towner friends.

You're a thorn in my side. Damn you, MySpace.

red

red
for the first time
since the storm drew in
and clouds covered
what was once a sunny, peaceful day
red
in the face
after branches split
and rain fell
all over the bathroom floor
red
from the burn
of illusions
of things that were upside down

i'll leave that to the minors
plant seeds
in true green fields
away from the grass
blades that can cut
away from clouds
blankets that cover our eyes