mary jane

oh lord
i need a fix
please send it my way
to fix all these broken things
just breath in
the medicine you give me
please send me mary
she'll fix all that's broken
send mary to make me smile again

Well he said,
Mom I want to forni–
I mean formulate and discover the realms of the unknown
With Mary Jane.

After all you’ll be away for the weekend
Just please consent
I need a friend.

I admit your puberty was somewhat strange
Could this be fixed with Mary Jane?
Mary Jane, Mary Jane, Mary Jane
Mary Jane who?

So I said,
Son you want to permeate and discover
the realms of the unknown with Mary Jane
After all the other boys that are your age
They only wake to medicate

Do I know the family?
Is she even family when she’s out in society?

“She even bakes,
She even bakes!!!
These odd brownies!”
Mary Jane, Mary Jane, Mary Jane
Mary Jane who?

Then he said,
I believe in her family,
on her maternal side,
there was a Dr Tetra-hydro-cannabinol, pure isomer Dronabinol…

Mary Jane who?
Mary Jane who?

ahhh big booty

Ever since summer ended when the weather grows cold, then colder, then unbearable, and I no longer run outside, I've gained weight. No, not seven pounds like the lovely Ms. Gordon, I went from 170-ish to much higher. Much higher being 199. When I saw that number I told myself, "It's either time to start getting your ass into the gym again or save for lipo." Since lipo is not in the budget and I already have a gym membership, I opted for working out.

Molly told me before my 21st birthday I would no longer be able to eat entire frozen pizzas (my drug of choice was Digiorno's or Freschetta pepperoni). I could eat a whole pizza and not feel the affects of it. Well, 21 hit and I couldn't eat the whole thing, but I could eat half of it! Now, at 26 I can eat maybe 2 slices. Oh, metabolism, where art thou? I can't seem to kick the weight I gained. True I am just not getting back into going to the gym on a regular basis so that should help. Plus the weather is nicer and I have been running around the lake.

After the tornado the other day I found myself in Complete Nutrition looking at fat burners. I have always prided myself on never taking any pills other than vitamins. But I've thrown that pride wayside for now. The very enthusiastic sales associate told me about ShredSTACK. Let's hope it works and doesn't give me a heart attack. I'm on my second day of taking it and so far feel fine. I've dropped a couple pounds already in the past week, but I think that is mostly due to depression - the best diet ever.
Extreme Muscle Sparing, Fat-Burning Stack STACK THE LIQUID ATTACK! With advanced delivery systems in MegaShred liquid softgels and Assault liquid capsules, these advanced fat-targeting formulas won't compromise any of the muscle you've worked so hard to gain.

porta potty on saint patty

I know this is a week old, but oh well. Saint Patrick's Day was off to a wonderful start when I was wearing a green polo with an elephant on it. For lunch we walked to Clancy's where I had a green beer and my very first corned beef sandwich. I was skeptical by the name of the meat alone. But after tasting it wasn't bad, a little on the dry side, but tasted like salami.

I left work early to join Shelly and Frank in the Irish festivities. Frank met an ex-pro football player who sells medical supplies now. Chelsea and Dan met up with us later. Chelsea wasn't wearing green, so I don't even know why she came - but she never got pinched. Poker Face started playing and we danced like no one knew us. If I had to be a woman, I would want to be Lady Gaga, I think she is so rad.


Chelsea ordered her first beer, ever.


When no music was playing Dan pulled out his mini speakers and we rocked out.

Below are images from the inside of porta pottys. I love when people write things on bathroom walls and I always take photos of them. Some are mighty clever.

When we left the bar Dan and I decided we were hungry. We made it for Kona happy hour where it was dead. All in all it was a good night. Next year, I will dress up like a leprechaun or a rainbow where my genitals will be a pot of gold, I haven't decided.

goodbye

when you told me the news
you knew i wouldn't sing the same tune
it cuts and pains me
to know i'd have to compete with the other side of the world
so go
and fly
without me by your side
talk happy on the phone
like you've already forgot about me and your home
goodbye 1's and 0's

directions

'Just smile,' says Dan.

sinful

Tori's REAL album cover was revealed as well as the track listing. She had a conversation discussing the idea of her 10th album with Spinner. I'm pumped to hear what it will sound like! I'll also have to start saving my pennies for her summer tour....AHHHHH!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!

1. ‘Give’

2. ‘Welcome to England’

3. ‘Strong Black Vine’

4. ‘Flavor’

5. ‘Not Dying Today’

6. ‘Maybe California’

7. ‘Curtain Call’

8. ‘Fire to Your Plain’

9. ‘Police Me’

10. ‘That Guy’

11. ‘Abnormally Attracted to Sin’

12. ’500 Miles’

13. ‘Mary Jane’

14. ‘Starling’

15. ‘Fast Horse’

16. ‘Ophelia’

17. ‘Lady in Blue’

good news for people who love bad news

I just sit
and wait
for you to fly
and us to die

new toy + kicks

Introducing Disco Bette:

bad habits

I have several bad habits that I need to discontinue as soon as possible. Below are a list of just a few of them:

-When I get nervous I bite my nails. Worse, I pull out my facial face i.e. beard, eyebrows and sideburns. I pull them so much that I create bald spots. I really only do them when I'm anxious and/or nervous.

-If m&m's are near me, I will eat them like popcorn and I won't stop until they're all gone.

Ok, so those are just two, not as many as I had thought. But really, the pulling of hair needs to stop - people must think I have a condition of some sort. Today, has been one of those days I am close to baldness.

dinner

What's a boy to have for diner? Homemade crab cakes with scrambled eggs and pepper jake cheese alongside a chilled Kronenburg 1664. So tasty, tasty.


*The crab cakes didn't turn out as well as planned, they lacked their delicious seasoning and creamy inside texture. This doesn't mean they were all that bad, they were tasty and I ate them.

shitacular day

What do you do when corporate America gets you down?

You eat Fernandos and Eileen's Cookies of course!

listen

the bird and the bee - polite dance song

Yes that is what I mean
That's the nail that I hit
I try to be as coy as I can
But I wanna see your naughty bit

flawless

The new cover for Tori Amos' Abnormally Attracted To Sin. Please disregard Perez's squiggles.

I wonder if this album will have a big band feel to it? She did do the cover of You Belong To Me. We shall see, she surpises everytime.

Update
Although this photo is bad ass, it is not the new album cover. Tori's camp isn't even involved with this photo. I wonder when it was taken or what it was supposed to be used for? From the look of her eyebrows, it must be circa 2001, Strange Little Girl era. Maybe we will never know.

Tori Press Release!

This Tori news makes me excited in my pants!!! Her new record company released information about her upcoming album which comes out in Spring! She is playing SXSW but they spoke of how difficult it is to get tickets for certain shows there. I do love me some Tori, but I don't know if I can pay $600.00 for one ticket. Below is her press release:

New CD, ABNORMALLY ATTRACTED TO SIN, Due Spring 2009

(New York, NY, February 17, 2009) There will be thousands of artists and tens of thousands of music fans gathering at over 60 venues for this year’s South By Southwest Music Conference in Austin, TX, but all eyes will be on groundbreaking star Tori Amos, headlining one of the most anticipated events in the conference’s two decade-plus history, on Thursday, March 19, at historic Austin club, La Zona Rosa.

The Grammy nominated singer/songwriter is headlining a star-studded Universal Republic Records showcase at the popular venue, sure to be looked on as one of the must-see events of the four day festival. Tori will be performing new songs from her upcoming Universal Republic debut album, ABNORMALLY ATTRACTED TO SIN, scheduled to hit stores and the digital domain this spring, as well as other classics from her influential repertoire.

Tori’s recent signing with Universal Republic is in keeping with the inventive star’s unconventional approach to the artist/record company relationship. Universal Republic will distribute Tori’s new album, as well as correlate other ventures in tandem with Tori’s prolific creative output. ABNORMALLY ATTRACTED TO SIN, her tenth studio album, is another innovative chapter in the artist’s trailblazing story. Every track on the album will be accompanied by a corresponding ‘visualette,’ featuring footage that has been captured over the past year. Shot in HD and Super 8, the visualettes will incorporate a documentary style.

Tori’s most recent album, AMERICAN DOLL POSSE, which has been hailed by Rolling Stone magazine as ‘her best album in years,’ was released in 2007 to a chorus of rave reviews. The captivating album, like many of her previous efforts, adhered to a strong conceptual theme, with Tori inhabiting multiple archetypal female personae, a testament to her willingness to continue to push the boundaries of the female singer/songwriter.

Regarded as one of the most emotionally fearless live artists in music today, her most recent world tour, launched in the summer of 2007, saw her soar with her first full-fledged rock band in nearly a decade. Media platforms such as the BBC lauded both her live show and album as ‘returning Tori Amos back to the forefront of a genre she defined…still pushing her own boundaries.’

educated

I am a college graduate who can't figure out the new phone system. All I need is to turn the volume down and to answer it, and I can't seem to do that correctly. Oh, what a day.

On a better note, people are leaving all their Valentine's Day candy right next to me. Dark chocolate M&M's are definitely keeping my taste buds satisfied.

ummm...

Ellerie: Do you and Dennis sleep in the same bed?

Dennis: Ummmm...

Me - *head down*

My mother: Yes, they do.

Ellerie: How romaaaaaantic!

heart candy

last night you took me on an international flight
thank you for the cider
and beer i had once in Paris
thank you for chocolate
that you went back in time to get
thank you for the meal you caught
on the open seas in italy
'you're simply the best'
says ms. turner
because, you are.

thank you, my valentine.

7 years

i can see you
in the rear view
always in the back seat
always over my shoulder
i'll always want you near
i wish that things didn't change

i miss you, dad...

gentleman on the run

Last night was a good night. Or so it started out that way. We had to collect a urine sample from Kora after work to have tests ran to make sure she isn't sick. Come to find out, she just has a loose sphincter, poor thing.

After that fiasco, we went for a run. It started out somewhat nice, but in the end it was so cold my feet went numb. It felt like I was a pirate running on my wooden stumps. On the last quarter of our run we notice two young women trying to fix a tire. Dennis suggested we stop. I suggested we call AAA. I know two shits about changing a tire.

We stop and help them. This is post run where I'm sweating and only wearing a long sleeved shirt and shorts. I think it was a balmy 25 degrees out as well. Homegirl didn't have a doughnut for her car because she informs us she's been through three tires before this. We found ourselves at Wal-Mart getting her a new tire.

We made it home in time for Heroes. It was such a great episode. I get all excited like a school girl when it comes on. I wish it was on every day and not once a week.

upgrade

It's funny, well not really. I've had a blog for how long and today, I just upgraded it. I was like one of those old people who have bunny ear antennas on their television. Bare with me through the changes - that's even if people read this thing anymore.

On a different note, Heroes starts tonight. I'm a huge dork for this show. I secretly wants powers. I don't know what power I would posses, but I am greedy and would want more than one.