come together

On Thursday evening my mom took us out for me and my sister's birthdays. We had good steak and really good dessert.

We gambled - I have no such luck at anything. But Dawn and Todd both won over $50. I was pumped just to win back $0.02 on the $20 my mom gave me to use.

The four of us don't get to spend time very much, so it was awesome sitting at a table with them. Next time though, I won't be gambling.

And for the days following, my mom and I have spent every day together. It's so cool. I love her. I help picked the new color for our bathroom, the shower curtain and towels. She also bought my my birthday/Christmas present yesterday...which will come this week (and you will know when it does). I think she should move to California with me.

100 more things

A list of 100 more things I need to do with Asleep.

101. ride a two seat bicycle
102. build sand castles
103. eat cinnamon rolls at farmhouse
104. go to a tori amos concert together
105. count shooting stars
106. get in a water balloon fight
107. have sex on the beach
108. draw pictures of each other on napkins over a cup of coffee
109. hide things and make up riddles on where to find them
110. climb a tree
111. make a tree house
112. bring him to omaha
113. go sledding
114. make hot chocolate with a lot of alcohol to get him drunk and take advantage of him
115. learn how to surf
116. camp
117. make s’mores
118. race each other – the loser has to do something for the winner
119. go to a playground late at night and swing
120. go to the zoo
121. ride an elephant
122. make him breakfast in bed
123. leave post-it notes for the other to find
124. go to an island for a week – with no electricity or tourists
125. open a t-shirt store
126. take an ice cream bath
127. stay in bed for three days
128. throw a dart at a map and visit that place
129. start a bar fight
130. have a snow ball fight
131. crash a wedding
132. learn how to play a new instrument and start a band
133. be in the newspaper for a unicorn sighting
134. hit on random strangers together – and then hit the other apologizing to the stranger the other has multiple personalities and is off their meds
135. take naps
136. do cartwheels in the sidewalk
137. make home movies
138. help and elderly woman cross the street
139. paint a fence
140. volunteer at the humane society for a day or two
141. start a lawn service named We’ll Trim Your Bush
142. drive on the 101 for fun
143. fool around on a busy elevator
144. race up the Eiffel tower
145. leave our favorite pictures for strangers to find
146. win best costumes at a Halloween party
147. trick or treat
148. river raft in Colorado
149. play super Mario brothers
150. watch the sunrise
151. trust each other
152. laugh until it hurts
153. give each other code names
154. go through a car was with the windows down
155. rock climb
156. carve wood
157. do the crab walk
158. write a romance novel
159. fix something
160. not take advantage of time spent
161. watch him work
162. stay up all night
163. build a fort in the living room and sleep there
164. egg mean people’s cars
165. throw a luau party
166. tell each other ghost stories
167. tell people about the magical fairies that live in the trees
168. breathe each other in, often
169. 69 100 times
170. read each other’s horoscopes
171. get each other out of bad moods
172. draw maps on each other
173. see who can blow the biggest bubble
174. prank call random people from the phone book
175. call in sick and play board games
176. connect the dots
177. get our cards read
178. play naked twister
179. decorate a Christmas tree
180. watch our favorite movies over and over
181. pose with Janice Dickenson
182. hike through the mountains
183. make a Christmas list and send it to the north pole
184. not to get arrested for doing these
185. give each other piggyback rides when our feet are tired
186. play ring-around-the-rosy with nuns
187. re-start a hair band
188. Throw each other the best birthday party EVER
189. play strip poker
190. start a radio show called Deaf Man Listening
191. give each other massages
192. really buy that sex swing, no gift wrapping necessary
193. go sailing
194. love
195. slip’n’slide
196. find waldo
197. drive through Compton at night
198. not get shot
199. keep each other warm
200. do everything on the list

ding! fries are done

This video made me piss myself laughing. Enjoy.

hungry hungry homo's

What do you know - another video with me and friends eating. We had a new idea for a youtube show called Hungry Hungry Homo's. Our waiter would animate Japanese women in it. They will be evil villains called the Lactose Intolerant Lesbians, who will wear flannel. We get some other laughs in, for this was a good lunch.

this is for a certain someone...

love you.



she looks like eva marie saint
in on the waterfront, she says
all she needs is therapy
all you need is love is all you need

dawn's birthday

Today is my sister's birthday. My only one. Thank God I only have one.

She turned 31 today. I hope this is better than when she turned 30 - she was pregnant with her third child, she couldn't drink and she was emotional. Today - she has three children, she drinks and I believe she is still emotional.

Growing up we didn't get along. Being seven years younger, I was always in her business, trying to hang out with her friends and always playing with her Barbie's. Yes, I was one of those weird kids who always made the Barbie's have sex with each other.

She got me back though. She would dress me up in girl clothes and take pictures of me. She would hit me a lot. Yell and scream at me to stay away from her - or to get out of her room.

I tried to follow in her footsteps. She played the violin - I played the violin. She played soccer - I played soccer. But something was off - she was competitive and I wasn't.

We got closer when she moved away. If that makes any sense. I was in fifth grade when she went off to Iowa State University. I remember getting an ISU T-Shirt for Christmas and thinking she was the coolest sister ever.

After college she moved back, engaged with Todd - her boyfriend since high school. It was nice having her back. She didn't hit me or yell at me this time. We were no longer just brother and sister - we were friends.

Today we can talk about anything. I love how she lives next door. I can walk 50 paces to the south if I ever have a problem or just want to chat. It's funny to think of my sister as a mom. But she is. A wonderful woman with three amazing children. A great husband. A the best brother anyone could ever ask for.

Happy Birthday Dawn.

foodgasm

bloggers unite

Once again more than one person who happens to have a blog was in the same room. This time though, there were several. Isn't it funny sometimes...

Nancy, Tiffany, Heather, Mollie, Natalie, Me, Michael, and Katie.

gina's birthday

One more year older - she gets more beautiful with age.

Gina and I go back - to the ages - near the beginning. The memories I have of her and I are locked in my heart and will always be there.

One of the first memories of her being when she broken her ankle and had to wear a moon boot. I was in her grandparent's basebment (they lived across the street from me) with my friend/her cousin Sara. Heather (not yet Gina) talked about how much her leg smelled and itched from not being able to take the cast off. She found a large paper mache flower with a wooden stem from Lord knows where. She took the stem and dug it into her cast and itched furiously, Watching this made me laugh until it turned to tears. This is when I knew I needed her in my life and we would be together for quite awhile.

You can also blame her for my obsession of Tori Amos.

She was also the first person I told I was gay. Yes, she had to drag it out of me in the only way it would come out - which involved lots of crying and three hours spent on her bed staring at each other with no speaking. But it was all worth it. I wouldn't want it any other way.

It's these things I would never take back. I love her with my whole heart. And it will never change.

Happy Birthday Gina.

One word: champagne on top. Ok, that was three - but who's counting after a pitcher of campagne?

Doesn't it look like they are fighting over me? Oh yes, all the girls want me.

Two of Omaha's sexiest men.

This is one of the funniest pictures of Mollie and I. We were either passing judgement on someone or found out the we were having a child together.

More photos.

wait

The words say it all. And um, that's about it.



Airplanes
take you away again
Are you flying
above where we live
Then I look up
a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I’m not but
I like rivers that
rush in
so then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
for you the acrobat
I won’t push you
unless you have a net

You say the word
you know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don’t mind
I don’t hold on
to the tail of your kite
I’m not like the girls that you’ve known
But I believe I’m worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with Butterflies
with Butterflies
so go on and fly then
boy

Balloons
look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I’m not like the girls that you’ve known
But I believe I’m worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with Butterflies
with Butterflies
with Butterflies
so go on and fly boy

cleaning out the shells

So, this was my first attempt to make a video that is actually...well, a video. This is Apollo and Marta's second debut - their first being from Gina. I hope you enjoy. I still need to work on it - but due to my shitacular computer I am limited in some aspects of movie making.



Drink the water drink it down
This time I know I'm bound
To spit it back up
I didn't want this
Salty substitute, just not going to do
I need some air, if I'm going to live through
This experience reminds me of a clock
That just won't tick

I want to wake up
From this concussion
But my dream is just not done
I'm late again,
It's just one of those
Bad days look outside and
Be careful what you ride
You just might find
That you're out of time
To swim ashore
If I drift long enough
I'll be home

Jack Johnson - Drink the Water

do you take debit?

A Guilt Trip, Asleep

John's story reminded me of myself, only how I am quite the opposite.

My freshman year of college I was driving to my 8 a.m. class. For some reason I took 16th Street Parade* and wish I hadn't. I approached a stop sign where a mini van was taking their sweet ass time. I then realized that there was something, or someone in front of them. When they sped off I saw what was holding them and me up. It was a homeless man. He had no legs and was in a wheelchair.

Being the person that I am, I stopped - that, and I would have hit him with my car. It was cold. I rolled down my window and in he comes. The Black man had all of two teeth and smelled of alcohol. He kept repeating himself. I thought he was asking if I could take him to the Hippopotamus Cafe. After three minutes of trying to understand him I broke the news on how he wouldn't be able to ride in my car because I have never transported someone in a wheelchair before. Then he yelled, 'No!'

I was taken back a bit by his anger. Why was he getting mad at me? I was only trying to help. By this time there were about five cars behind me. He then said he wanted money. I said, 'Oh, I thought you wanted me to take you somewhere - and I've never heard of the Hippopotamus Cafe.'

He was basically hanging on my car. His arms grasping the inside of my door. I told him I didn't have any cash on me, but I did have debit. I'm not sure why I told him that. I think I felt bad for not carrying cash. I tried to justify myself to someone hanging on my car drunk and rocking two teeth. I apologized, rolled up my window and drove off. I looked in the rearview mirror to see him pester the person behind me.

*The 16th Street Parade is quite a fine show. It only takes place in the summer. The brothers and sisters of 16th Street flood the front porches and streets, sometimes making it difficult to drive through. The hot spot is the gas station that one would never stop at. You see children eating the week-old hot dogs and drinking big gulp sodas.

At night, 16th Street Parade can get out of control. On coming home off the Lake Street exit (something my mom always told me not to do) I had to detour off the main road and take side streets. What I discovered was more 16th Street Parades - only on different streets. These parades were much larger and had many more people. Girls with up-do's (so up that they hit the ceiling of their cars) and long finger nails. Men who are shirtless with their jeans neatly tucked inside their Timberlands. They gave me the stare down. The type of glare that said, 'White boy, you know you're not supposed to be here.'

And from that glance on, I have yet to return to the side-street parades.

make me a tree

I have this thing with trees. I'm not sure what it is. I can't describe it. But I think they're beautiful. Powerful. Magical. Loving. Amazing creatures. A bunch of things really. I like to take pictures of them. They're a lot like people. They have their own finger prints. Their own faces. Their own hair styles. They can move. Dance. Sway. They're good at swaying. And they sing. Listen to their bark. Their leaves will hum and speak to you. You just need to listen. Just listen. Just. Listen.

Thank you Asleep for my tree. I love it.

fortune

Paris, Jeff Keesee

I ate with Michael today at House of Lee. It's so damn good. Anyways, my fortune cookie told me something very special would happen to me three months exactly from today. So we will see what happens on March 1, 2007.

I have one thing in mind that could be special. But we will wait it out and see.

angry, drunk idiot

Something very strange happened Saturday night. Mollie, Matt and I left Citrus to go to Homey Inn. While on Saddle Creek a man was riding Alice's ass. As we turn left to make our way closer to the bar, the man driving behind speeds up and almosts runs into the front of my car. He is yelling and cursing at me to pull over. So, to see what his problem was I pulled over at the gas station.

He jumped out of his car and ripped off his jacket. Red-faced and sweaty, his hands were gripping Alice's window.

'Are you from fucking Iowa?!'
'Yes.'
'So can you not fucking signal - you cut me off motherfucker!!!'
'Where? If I did I apologize.'

More yelling went on, a lot more (I can't remember the exact dialogue, but above is the jist of it). I think I went into standby mode because he scared me. He was taller than me, and much bigger. My ass would have been on the ground. I wasn't in the fighting mood - i had on good jeans and I was tired. The jackass was pulling at Alice's window. Mollie thought he was going to break it. If that were the case, I would have gathered up enough energy to break his ass like the ninja I am.

I thank the man who told the guy to go away - he has good karma coming his way. All passengers and Alice are ok.

fog

Sometimes I don't know what I am doing.
I like Sundays because it is my day to do nothing.
But the again, doing nothing can make me start thinking.
Thinking of things I don't really want to.
Things that I shouldn't care about - the past -
but I do. Sorry.
My mind goes foggy.
And I can't stop thinking.
Of all those things that were.
And that will be.
I just pray that they will be.
Because I don't like being in this haze.



well in know it's just a spring haze
but i don't much like the look of it
and if omens are a god send like men
breezing in
certain these clouds go somewhere
billowing out to somewhere

in a single engine cessna
you say we'll never make it there
so all we do is circle it

uh oh. let go. off on my way
unseen this eternal wanting
uh oh. way to go
so i get creamed
waiting on sunday to drown
uh oh. way to go.
waiting on sunday
waiting on sunday to land
uh oh. way to go.
waiting on sunday
waiting on sunday to drown

so i know it's just a spring haze
but i don't much like the look of it
but all we do is circle it
and i found out where my edge is
and it bleeds into where you resist
and my only way out is to go
so far in
billowing out to somewhere
billowing out luna riviera
billowing out to somewhere

uh oh. let go. off on my way
unseen this eternal wanting
let go. so far. really getting creamed
waiting on sunday to land

why does it always end up like this
waiting on sunday so i get creamed
waiting for sunday to drown

he brings sugar

This song pretty much sums things up. How you feel when you open yourself to someone and they still don't get you. You tell them exactly what it is, invite them in and give them a tour of your world. But still, they will never understand you...or why you think the way you do...or love the things you love. They're just sugar - good at first, but then bad for you after awhile.



and I know and you know
if they found me out
you just watch
just watch what they do
sweet boy if they find you out
tell me what you think they'll do
when they find you gotta little in here
tell me what you think they'll do
when they find you out
when they find you out
find out
you're just a pussy, my sweet boy
my sugar...

case of the fake people

assholes are cheap today
cheaper than yesterday
small ones are half a crown
sitting up or lying down

The Cig and The Pig, Asleep

I am usually not a cruel and bitter person, but some things/people can set me off. Within the past three or so months, my friends and I have been acquainted to new ‘friends.’ Some of them were good people and the others not so much. One that bothers me is someone that I had thought was a good-hearted person.

This person (let’s call them P) is not from here, they are from another country. Sometimes communication would be difficult when P would say something offensive – but didn’t mean it in that sense – we would forgive, no problem. They had high standards for friends and potential lovers to be ‘cultured and sophisticated.’ I was always confused by this. Everyone is cultured in some sense, whether they are white trash or world travelers. And sophistication comes in all forms.

My thinking – you can be from another country and think of yourself as both cultured and sophisticated – but to many people you are actually quite the opposite. Cultured is so vast – I am in several cultures – American, Gay, Male, Irish, College Student, the list is enormous. P would often refer to someone as uncultured and would give them a look of distaste. On that note, P is one of the most ignorant people I know. Here is why…
-Behind me and my friend’s back she would talk about how she needs to stop hanging out with us because people will start talking shit about them. P said this because me and some of my friends happen to be gay. I guess gay people make others look horrible in a social setting and it can lead to shit talking of people in a certain community.
-P also discussed how all gay people cheat on their partners and aren’t loyal to them. I don’t know if I really have a comment on this one, because it just makes me laugh. People who make these comments are as dense as a brick wall.

These are just a couple things that have come from their mouth. Not to our face of course, because someone who is cultured and sophisticated would never do such a thing. But they will talk shit about you behind your back, all while smiling at your face.

-------------------------

Barons of Suburbia
take another piece of my
good graces
I’m in my war
you’re in yours
do we fight for peace
as they take another piece of us

It was a slight miscalculation
that my friends
my friends would be waiting
on the other side of the bridge
on the other side of this
this mole hill of a mountain
this potion
now a poison
they’re on the other side
of right
we’re on the other side
of her
midnight

When it’s all said and done
we will lose a piece
to a carnivorous vegetarian
Barons of suburbia
I have heard you pray
before you devour her

I am piecing a potion
To combat your poison

Tori Amos
Barons of Suburbia

perfect days

After work and long meetings I decided to take a break. A break from the cold, from everything. I was selfish and took a day or two for me. The weather was warm, in the 90s. The sun was shining. And I just wanted to breathe.

I visited Asleep. He said he didn’t have anything planned. And I didn’t care. He did want to make sure I went to King Taco. I saw his new place, balcony and all. He showed me one of my favorite pieces and hung it near his TV. I then saw the actual nose and bridge. I was lost for a bit.

Forest Fire

Friday we decided to go to Los Angeles. I’ve never been, so I was all eyes as we drove into the city. As for the actual city, it was dirty. I’ve never seen a smog cloud before. I felt bad for our lungs. But it was one of those drives you could have just driven on and on, and not cared.

I wondered if I would see any celebrities. I told Asleep I wanted to see Nicole Richie – just to see what she is wearing...maybe that’s really gay? Anyways, no celebrities. We did stop by and see the Chinese Theatre, Virgin, Cold Stone, and the sign from a distance. The day went too fast.

On the way home we stopped at King Taco. I was ready for goodness. It was delicious, even if brains and tongues were on the menu. Their hot sauce also rocked. Thank God for Asleep, everything was in Spanish, and I know I would have ordered something that wouldn’t go down or come out right. While eating he said we were only a block away from Compton. I made him take me. We missed the sunset – but we didn’t miss the prostitutes or people selling illegal TV’s and stereos on their front lawns.

Asleep put together a video that best shows our time. Just as soon as I got home, I wanted to go back. Is it the warm weather? The wanting to have something new? Or something else? I have my guesses.

I almost stop feeling the freezing
Whenever it's cold
And i almost can see in the dark now
Cuz your skin's so gold
-Trespassers

morning breeze

This morning I woke up a little early. By a little, I mean 5 a.m. I was laying in bed wanting to go back to sleep until I thought I would take a little stroll to the beach.

It was only a block away. I could hear the waves crashing. I could smell the salty air. It was still dark. I walked down the cement stairs to the cold sand. I could see the sun peeking out to the left of me. The sunrise wasn't what I had expected. I think the sunset will be amazing.

------------------------

got hurt today, my heart today
he just doesnt know what not to say
he fell today, around today
he said, 'make me liquid'
he, liquid, he, it's you
so i took a little break and i put it in a little song
pieces of him and me
we could both, ah, sing along
then i saw that maybe we just needed to embrace again
just to be with my Friend, you know we could be liquid
once again
liquid
liquid

you came and saw me and i broke my heart, then, what you did
you said that you didnt think that what you did was hurtful
you said, 'i dont see what you want from me'
i said 'could we be...
could we be
liquid'


more photos of my morning.

i'm going back to cali

I will be in Laguna Beach today through Friday (I wish it were longer). I love the smell, the warmth, the energy California gives. It's magical. I'm attending meetings for work - so it won't be all play, but I am sure we will have ourselves some fun.



On my way up north, up on the Ventura
I pulled back the hood and I was talking to you
And I knew then it would be a life long thing
But I didn't know that we, we could break a silver lining

When I think of California, a soundtrack forms in my head of several songs...

Phantom Planet - California
Tori Amos - A Sorta Fairytale
Eagles - Hotel California
Counting Crows - Goodnight LA
Joni Mitchell - California
Van Morrison - Feedback Out On Highway 101
2Pac - California Love
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California
Razorlight - Los Angeles Waltz
Dave Loggins - Please Come To Boston
Led Zepplin - Going To California
Maroon 5 - My Blue Ocean
Notorious BIG - Going Back To Cali
Led Zepplin - The Ocean
Dresden Dolls - Shores of California
Bob Dylan - California

Ok...you get the idea. It's cali-loaded and good times. But I will return Friday evening, hopefully with a tan and smelling of sea salt. See you...



Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from

bridge

It’s all about the walks
Around the park
through the trees
and coming to the clearing by the lake.
We liked to come here -
it reminds us of how things used to be
When everything seemed fine -
and no one fought

We walked today to take a trip
Back to when things were fine
Over the hill
by the bridge
is where we first knew
that nothing would save us
The leaves were falling
and so were we

We fell
Just like the leaves
Off the tree
Out of love

-----------------------

Jeff - The stories have not been lost. They are here, floating in the air. That little girl with the leaf came to visit today, and out came this.

fire in the hole

This made me laugh. I could watch Ross all day long.

i hate to do this, but

Word verification. I dislike it to the end of the world. I can never make out the words that are squished together. It's a mumble of letters that make no sense at all. It takes me, sometimes, three times to get it right just to comment on a post.

But thanks to spam, which I thought would never find me, I turn on the verification. Sad days.

snow cherries from france

There are some songs or poems that I wish i would have - because they speak so close to the heart. This can go for anyone, because many people can relate these things to them. One of the songs that I wish I had written before anyone was Snow Cherries From France.

This reminds me of a past love. One of those, 'is this too good to be true?' And, it kinda was in some ways. It existed in my head, probably in real life. We never left the house, but we learned so much. You give your hand (in a verbal sense), and then what...there is a time of long pause...and nothing - or will it be something? We never wanted it to end. In some ways in never did, but then again, do they ever really end? But then it always seems to go away. Ripple. And come back in waves.


It's a love story...and this woman agrees to go on this adventure with this man. Even though, I think, deep down she knows that eventually he's going to go - because that's what he does - she offers her hand, after a fashion, and he offers her snow cherries from France, which sound delicious, but don't exist.
Tori Amos
BBC 6, Tom Robinson - December 2003

-----------------------

i knew a boy who would
not share his bike
oh, but he let me go sailing
i swore that i
could survive any storm
oh then he let me go

"can you launch rockets from here?"
boy, i've done it for years
right over my head
and when i promised my hand
he promised me back
snow cherries from france
all that summer
we traveled the world
never leaving his own back garden
girls, i didn't know
just what it could be
oh, but he let me go sailing

you question me,
"can you ride anything?"
lord, do you mean like your mood swings
invaders and traders with
the best intentions
may convince you to go
"they look like pirates from here"
boy, i've been one for years
just keeping my head
and when i promised my hand
you promised me back
snow cherries from france

and then one day he said
"girl it's been nice,
oh, but i have to go sailing"
with cinnamon lips
that did not match his eyes
oh then he let me go


Thank you Jeff for your snow.

come on closer

This song...is good. So good in fact, I have been playing it all day. And now I'm sending this as a 'shot out' to a certain someone.

This makes me think of when things are good. They make you smile. They make you think about someone all day long. They make you want a kiss every minute of the day. All that mushy stuff.



Come on closer
I wanna show you
What I'd like to do
You sit back now
Just relax now
I'll take care of you

Hot temptations
Sweet sensations
Infiltrating through
Sweet sensations
Hot temptations
Coming over you

Gonna take it slow babe
Do it my way
Keep your eyes on me
Your reaction
To my action
Is what I want to see

Rhythmic motion
Raw emotion
Infiltrating through
Sweet sensations
Hot temptations
Coming over you

And now you're satisfied
A twinkle in your eye
Go to sleep for ten
And anticipating
I will be waiting
For you to wake again

Hot temptations
Sweet sensations
Infiltrating through
Sweet sensations
Hot temptations
Coming over you

[When you wake up we'll
do it all again]
[When you wake up]
[When you wake up we'll
do it all again]
[When you wake up]

Hour after hour
of sweet pleasure
After this I guarantee
you'll never wanna leave
Shut your eyes and think about
what I'm about to do
Sit back relax I'll take my time
this lovin's all for you

cruel

I'm not one to make someone crawl through glass for their wrong doings. But certain things can hurt, and can cut, that will make you want to do such a thing. One thing a 'friend' could do to another is create rumors. Some rumors are believable to others, especially if they don't know you very well. So of course, those people who have yet to get to know you, are impressionable. We can only hope that people believe the story that is true, and not false.

Two sides to every story. Two sides to your personality. How you can be so friendly to each others' faces, but go behind them, speak ill words, and try to take what they can't get. This is for a certain person who has created stories, far from the truth about me. I'm sure they know who they are. Unless they are so fucked up on medications that they aren't able to comprehend.



"It's about when that dickhead is right there in front of you, and you look him in the eyes and you just go deeper than you can go...deeper than you can go."
-Tori Amos, Plugged '98 Tour, Nashville, Tennessee

------------------------

so don't give me respect don't give me a piece of your preciousness
flaunt all she's got in our old neighbourhood
i'm sure she'll make a few friends
even the rain bows down let us pray as you cock-cock-cock your mane
no cigarettes only peeled HAVANA'S for you i can be cruel
i don't know why

...

deeper, deeper than you go
deeper than you can
deeper but still you can
deeper than you can
I said, you can
tear it out and tear it out
and tear it out again

hey, and you know, you know
you're gonna lie, boy
way here
I said here, yes

bad ass

Whoever said you couldn't rock a little something sweet and help others at the same time?

it's here

Finally, OBI's website. Since I started interning here in February, we have been planning our website. And today it's finally arrived.

you think you know, but you have no idea

Oh, the Gap Girls skit. One of my favorites, for many reasons.

One, it makes me think of my five years working there. How anyone can work that long at Gap is beyond me (and not get in more trouble than we did). I started in October of 2000. I applied because one of my sister's old friends worked there and told me I should, good reason right? Plus I hated my airport gift shop job.

I didn't know what to think of it all. Not having any sense of style or fashion - I shopped at Buckle and Shopko (not saying they are bad...). I was also terrified of Matt, our 'bog gay boss' as most referred to him as. It was also the start of holiday season, so there were about 60 employees working.

But I stuck with it. I befriended a blonde haired girl wearing overalls. 'You're my friend Heather's friend' I said.

'Ummmmm, ok.'

I thought she hated me.

But what do you know, the queers have to stick together. We found each other through a sea of ugly sweater employees who were just working for a little extra cash and the employee discount.

I'll never forget the different moments while working there. It seems as if it were yesterday...

The day Mollie told Matt I liked boys. They were hanging holiday boxers and I saw her say something to him...he spinning his head my way...walking over...'GIRL!!!! Welcome to the team.' I gave Mollie the death look.

A girl named Sarah maybe had a crush on me, we're not really sure what it was. But me telling her I was gay didn't seem to seep in. She would often make sexual advances towards me and say, 'You know, no one will know if you go into the back room.'

'Why would we go back there?'

'Oh, so you want to do it on the table?'

'Wait, who's doing what?!' I didn't get her just as much as she didn't get me.

Also during the holiday season, I was trying on clothes while I was on the clock, no big deal. Mollie came back with Nick, a Ken doll-like boy who had a weird crush on me. (The first time he ever came in he showed Mollie and I his nipple ring - and we didn't even ask to see it.) She dared me $5 to run naked through the fitting rooms. i told her I would, only if I could wear shoes - because I didn't want to get a foot fungus. I did it. And I have yet to see my money.

I'm surprised we weren't all fired. But we were just waiting for another reason.



In the last year or so we were open, One Pacific's Gap closed and some were sent to our store. There were three of them. All appearing to be nice. We named them the Sea Hags. They all talked bad about each other, about us, and took every chance to gossip.

Sidenote: We didn't gossip, we networked.

The first day 'Amber Foghorn' worked she talked of her and her husband's sex toys and videos. No problem, we talked about sex all the time. The problem was, when I talked about guy's giving head, she flipped out and called the district manager. Mollie, Jenny and I were all called in. We were sure this was going to be the final straw to get fired.

Bless Jenny's soul. We gave her so much shit and she stood by us. We love her. In the end, we weren't fired. But Mollie and I didn't work together as much because she liked to 'provoke' me.

Also around this time a woman who will remain nameless (because I dare not even speak her name) and I battled like it was World War III. It began during Tax Free Weekend when she came to help our store. Mollie met her first and loved her. I was then introduced to her.

'Jimmy, this is K____, our new best friend.'

'Hi, I'm Jimmy.'

'Timmy?'

'No, JIMMY. Starts with a J ends with a Y.'

She gave me a nasty look. Hours later she tapped me on my shoulder, 'You can't chew gum on the floor, you'll have to spit that out.'

'Excuse me? Who are you again?'

I spit my gum out. And bitched.

Another fight with her included a chalk board and a message Becky had wrote us before she left to study in Romania. It was up there for about three months when someone had erased it for no reason. I knew it was the woman we will call Devil Bitch. DB didn't like any of us. We were a gang of clothes folders who had a tighter bond than any Mafia family. She couldn't break us.

This is where my asshole side comes out. Never fuck with a gay man, DB. I will cut you like a Stanton Island girl. I wrote a nice little message for her in reply to her erasing. I hear, the next day she came in, saw the board, and freaked the F out. She slammed things, cried and ended up leaving five minutes later.

DB also threw polaroids of us in the garbage for no reason as well. When I asked her about them, she said they 'fell in.' Bitch please. Mollie says DB and I couldn't get along because we were basically the same person. E'cuse me? In some ways, maybe. But homegirl was just MEAN.

The best is when I went into Crossroads and she was working (I didn't know). She didn't see me but said the usual, 'Hi, is there anything I could help you wi....Oh.....you.' Mid-sentence DB noticed me. I gave her a glare and she acted like we never spoke. And so it was.

So many other things to remember, but space is wearing thin. So I will leave it at this for now. But the memories stick with me, and it's wonderful to go back sometimes.

have an apple cowboy

I hope everyone had a good Halloween.

Pictures of our night will be coming soon.

bachelorette

ghosts and spooks
and maybe you
maybe you
something for me to do, i said
ghosts and spooks
and maybe you
maybe you are
trick-or-treating me
maybe you, i said
maybe you
can take this
out of my head, i said
maybe you
maybe you
gives me something to do



This was a Tori concert back in 2001 during the Strange Little Tour. This is one of my favorite b-sides of hers...

------------------------

bachelorette you climb on rooftops and you bachelorette
you can turn dust into champagne
you even remembered his name

bachelorette, the braves you painted pink for bachelorettes
you tried to show him that he can
but you can never rush a man

you must remember
you're a car girl
you're a star girl
you are at the door
the tide will turn
there's a window

boo!

Saturday night was spent at the Max with OBI friends.

I was a mummy if anyone had a question. A woman stopped me and asked me what I was. 'A mummy.'

'What? Underwear boy?'

'Does your underwear look like this?'

I didn't think so. And the man at Little Kings thought I was Sandman. I don't see that either. Maybe I wasn't a great mummy, but I thought so!

We will be at Max again, on Tuesday...what should I be this time?

no skeleton key

Last night I saw Margot & The Nuclear So And So's and The Elected. They were amazing. Meredith and I met some wonderful ladies, Jenny and Sunnye, from Kansas city - one who is in a band, The Waiting List.

They came for Elected - we came for Margot - so we both stayed for each other's bands. I'm glad, because they were good. The lead singer also played in Salute Your Shorts as Ronald Foster 'Ronnie' Pinsky. I loved that show.

The evening put me in a wonderful mood - good music - good friends - good weather, it was warmer and misty.



I did a sick, sick thing to my love
My lack of loyalty, it swallowed her up
And she cooked me food
She squirmed and turned
Like a skeleton key
She left her man and attended to me

And don't call me that
Don't claim you love me
Cause you know that ain't true
My dire affliction I'll attribute to you

And you're finally free
To twist and turn
Like a skeleton key

You've gotta let me know
You've gotta let me know

I did a horrible thing to that girl
I bread my misery and drowned it in her
And she got me high
And I hardly noticed there were tears in her eyes

And I miss you less and less everyday
This stream of whisky's helped to wash you away

And it's clear to see
You're nothing special
You're a skeleton key

You've gotta let me know
You've gotta let me know
You've gotta let me know
You've gotta let me know

------------------------

Click here to see the rest of their videos.

here comes the groom

Because of new laws in New Jersey, TJ and I have decided to move east.

*In past discussions we have ruled out the fact of marriage. We both have very different tastes (mostly in decorating) and have come to terms we would live in different houses.

no. 1 fan

This is why I love my girl.

She says things like this of me...

you smell good
you don't tug at your "mister" in public
you have manners
you can relate to their PMS...because you too suffer from it
you wax any and all stray hairs
...and you smell good

operation: undercover 007

Saturday, October 21, 7 a.m.

I fly from Omaha and connect in Chicago at O'Hare to arrive in Atlanta. I've never had good luck with O'Hare - the first time I was there I missed my flight and had to wait eight hours until the next one with no iPod or cell phone (they were both dead) and the other time my flight was delayed so many times it was 2 a.m. until I made it back home. I was determined to make it through with no problems.

I made it into Hot-lanta around 1:30. I got on Marta and went several stops too far. I always have the problem of getting lost when I am in a new area and by myself. I was trying to make it to Jeff and Shawn's. After many phone calls and uncountable 'fuck!'s' later I made it. Their unit is beautiful and exactly how I pictured it. Cement floors, floor to ceiling windows, photography in black frames. Jazz was playing when I walked in the empty home. I walked in the room I was staying to notice Martha Stewart magazines carefully spread out for my reading pleasures.

I found a place to eat and picked up the tapes I was there for. Now it was time to enjoy myself. Shawn, his 'hall' friend Amy and I make our way to Little Five Points for a Halloween parade. It was interesting. Lots of people with open container and people dressed up in the middle of the day - what else could be more fun? I know - meeting Jeff for the first time. It was great to meet someone you talk to often - like they were an old friend. After the parade we make our way to their friend Kyle's home. It was beautiful, old and spacious. Spacious in the way he didn't have any furniture - but he did have a disco ball in the dining room.

I was standing in the yard, next to the white picket fence when Ashley walked/ran up and I did the same to greet her. I hugged her like I hugged my sister after I haven't seen her for months.

'I can't believe this is you and that you are actually here!' she would repeat. I told her she could touch me if she wanted just to make it official that I was actually there. She would later keep saying that, 'I can't believe you're here.'

We were hungry and went to Vortex, a wonderful burger place. 'I still can't believe you're here.' We talked and laughed and said how it would be more complete if Mollie were here with us. I had a yummy burger that was topped with a pineapple.

Bloggers unite.

That evening Jeff gave me a lovely tour of Midtown Atlanta. Pointing out the significant buildings in the area and even caught a slight moment of Randy Newman singing at the symphony. We half-assed walked Carolyn home and continued on with the 'tour.'

We stopped at Einstein's to see Attention Deficit David and carried on to Blake's. I wanted to see Ashley's dogs before she left, so we went there. On our walk to her place, Jeff informed me 'no on goes hungry in this city.' He was referring to the homeless man who had a wad of cash. Before I saw his cash flow, I thought I should have given him something, but decided not to (I had a flash back of the 'sorry, I only have debit' story).

Ashley's dogs were cute. The girl dog kept humping Jeff. Eric says is because she is dominating him. And the boy dog was greasy with a zit. But I liked him because he was the only one that paid any attention to me.

We left and I crashed within a matter of moments.

Sunday, October 22, 6:10 a.m.

I woke up and prepared myself for the day ahead of me. All I needed to do was drop off the tapes to a woman in Great Falls, Montana and I would be on my way back home at 10 p.m. After I barely make it through Atlanta security, I board the plane. I make it to Denver on time and wait for my flight for Great Falls that took off at 11:30 a.m.

As I was talking to my boss, Jen, I look at up notice no one is around me anymore. They had all left. I shot out of my seat and look outside. The plane is there and everyone but me is on it. I rush to the United stand to have them call the plane but it was too late. I had to wait for a 5 p.m. flight. I managed to pass six hours in the boring airport. I had to make sure I was on this plane, otherwise I would be in some kind of trouble.

I made it. I boarded and got to sit in first class. I saw with five other people who had also missed the same flight. How was it that six people missed the same flight - when they were all there? TJ thinks they knew they screwed up and that's how we all got first class. Anyways, the sunset was beautiful.

The airport on the other hand was less than desirable. It was a 60s flashback of orange carpet and wood paneling. The thing I was most startled by was the taxidermy animals. I knew I wasn't in Omaha anymore. I was up north with hunters and mountain men. I stayed at a nearby hotel and crashed after watching Charlie's Angels 2.

Waiting area.

Mountain lion posing on fountain in between escaltors.

Animal heads.

Bear in case.

Monday, October 23, 5:30 a.m.

I got myself ready, very slowly. I wondered to the breakfast area to see what it offered. I had a bagel with cream cheese, yogurt, two bananas and coffee. I was hoping all the fiber wasn't going to make me have to poop on the way home (and it didn't, thank God).

I sat next to a guy around my age on the way to Denver. He entertained me for a little over an hour. He was on his way to Hono Lulu to meet his brother who serves for the Army and is stationed in Korea. He is proposing to his girlfriend and meeting her parents for the first time. He farms, the guy I sat next to, and in the winter travels - because you can't do jack shit in Montana in the winter. For fun, when he isn't traveling, he hunts elk, antelope, coyote, and rabbits.

Back in Omaha, waiting for my bag, a man comments on how it's a rule for every bag to be upside down on the belt. I responded that they are also partially unzipped. I got into my mom's car and she said, 'Be careful your skibbies might fall out.'

'What?!'

'Your bag, it's unzipped.' What do you know, my bag was on its right side, but not zipped.

But now I am home. I am having a half 'me' day. I made frozen pizza and ate half of it and also ate chocolate pudding. I need to clean out Apollo and Martha too. I need an assistant to do that for me, because sometimes I feel too lazy.

goodbye

Sometimes words can't be found for the thoughts that are pouring out. So, songs guide us through these lost words. They get you through certain times. A lot of times they take on different meanings after an event. This one took on a different one for me...about the end of an era, or relationship.

In the past, I have been passive aggressive. It wasn't the best trait I've carried around with me. Leaves were turned several times, but nothing - back to the old. Recently, a new leaf was turned - and it remained on the new side. This also makes me think of the end of my passive aggressive era. Goodbye.

Thank you Jeff for your leaf.

I cried and
I washed my tears
that turned into diamond
Ice
into ice
and if it could freeze
My heart wouldn’t float away

There we
There we go again
Breaking
Breaking porcelain
Is that all I am
just a Doll you got used to
We’ve done
We’ve done this before
as Mars sauntered through his door
Don’t say it’s time to say
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye my Pisces

obi freakshow

What happens when we're in the office, not doing much, and are on the verge of becoming bored?

Well, we play with Danelle's web cam and distort our pictures. And then we turn it into a slideshow with carnival music!

As a sidenote, Danelle and I laughed so hard, I think I may have wet myself, just a little.

crazy (reprise)

Crazy.

No one has ever called me such. Well, not to my face anyways. How does one know they are crazy, or acting in a crazy manner? Should they be told to their face, or behind their back - or not at all?

Maybe they are the crazy ones, for not having balls big enough to say what they would like, to the face of that someone. So my only advice is, if you feel the need to call someone crazy - and they find out, you might as well say it to them, to their face.

But, maybe this just makes me crazy.

------------------------

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
That's my only advice

Come on now
who do you
who do you
who do you
who do you think you are
Ha ha ha
Bless you soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

quote of the day

Weird triumphs sexy, anyday.
-Kerrie

crazy

This song is in my head today. It came last night. It blew in from the west that traveled in from the south. At this point, it's been a short ride. Would it be bumpy? I knew it would. Is there still road left? Maybe. I think it will fork down the way. It will all depend on if we take right or if we travel left. Either way, I just hope there's enough gas.


Not sayin'
Not charmed at all
Not sayin'
that you weren't worth
the fall
But I was alone when
I knew it was real
Down the canyon
when I knew I had come

To the line
Through the dawn
To the light
To the turn
When you said --

You could drive
all night
Drive all night

So I let Crazy
take a spin
Then I let Crazy
settle in
Kicked off my shoes
Shut reason out
He said "first let's just
unzip your religion
down"

Found that I
I craved at all
Saw me melt
into your
native shelter
Where you carved my
name
Paper tigers scare
and came

Alive
Through the dawn
To the light
To the turn
When you said --

You could drive
all night
Drive all night

So I let Crazy
take a spin
Then I let Crazy
settle in
Kicked off my shoes
Shut reason out
He said "first let's just
unzip your religion
down"
So I let Crazy
pull me in
Then I let Crazy
take his spin
Kicked off my shoes
Shut reason out
He said "first let's just unzip
your religion
down"
Heard that you were once
Temptation's Girl"

And as soon
as you have
rearranged the mess
in your head
He will show up looking
sane
perfectly sane
If I know Crazy

------------------------

At this point a character called CRAZY comes into Scarlet's life. "He makes a lot of sense and seems to take the pain away for a while so she follows him. "He's seductive and dangerous and its delicious. But you know that it's not forever because you can't hold on to him." Together they travel through cowboy country and back to the desert, before he abandons her in Tucson.
-Scarlet's Walk Bio

so you're a funny guy?

I read a message from Gina about watching her new video on youtube. She mentioned how she wanted to be on the phone while I watched.

So I did.

And I screamed. (You can notice in the video she mentions 'Jimmys' gonna crap his pants.')

Gina knows my history with clowns. She knows how terrified I am on them. How I get emotional and upset when they are around me, or if I see them on TV. Many of my clown moments have been with her. There is a scene in Scary Movie 2 when there is a clown. It should be funny right? Hell no my friends. I started getting teary-eyed, covered my face and plugged my ears. Not funny at all.

Another moment was in my room at the old house. She had sent me pictures from Universal Studios Halloween Horror Night - pictures of SCARY clowns. I was going to post pictures of them, but got too nervous and anxious when googling them. Anyways, one night, she found the pictures she sent me and hid them throughout my room. I didn't find them for a day (only because I had no idea she had hid anything). The first one I find was under my pillow when I was trying to fall asleep, which gave me nightmares. The next morning I woke up, got ready and put my shoes on, only to find a clown picture was hiding in my New Balances. I would find several as the week went on. She apologized because I really didn't like it or think it was funny. We can laugh now, but it still makes my heart jump.

I am going to end this now, only because I'm getting upset by talking about clowns.

hey girl

Mollie knows how much I love my Mary. She holds a special place in my heart. TJ sent this to me in an email this morning. I laughed, out loud. I wonder if I did this as a child? Maybe not. But one thing I do know I did was chew on our side door (the edges around the windows), which I'm pretty sure had lead paint.

circles

‘Circles,’ I said. ‘I feel like I’m in circle again.’

We were there, in Paris. Isn’t this the city of love? It was bragged up to be so, but the feeling at this moment was quite opposite. Things were slipping. We seemed to be slipping.

I wish I was as strong as the Tower. I could withstand anything. Anything except this.

I can’t remember things that were said between us. They too slipped away. As did our time there, in the city of love.

What I do remember is leaving. Circling down the staircase. Leaving it all.

I left us in Paris. I left the circles.

Staircase courtesy of Jeff.

i'm comin' out

Happy National Coming Out day boys and girls.

I never really understood why there is a day for this. Maybe some feel a little more comfortable with coming out on the 23rd instead of the 11th. Anyways, at least it has a day.

I'm not out to my family, well some I am. But not my mom, which is most important. Someday, hopefully soon I will be. Because it does really suck when I really like someone and I can't tell her. I am thankful I have very accepting friends and it's never an issue. I just wish it wasn't for other people, but such is life.

Maybe I should take direction from this guy in the video below.

dancing queens

This is how they do it in Belgium.

Or maybe they are just hungry and cold.

Here's to street dancing.

birthday boy

happy birthday
to you
happy birthday
to you
happy birthday
asleep
happy birthday
to you

...and many moooooore. (sorry this is a couple days late)

I hope you had a good birthday, it looks as though you did.

Another birthday, today, would be my dad's. I know he is somwhere, watching the television, with his feet kicked up, enjoying a good coffee. He would have had his favorite meal and it would have had lots of hot sauce on it. We would have had a party for him, and not really know what to get him - because he had everything. Ellerie and Gavin would have drawn him a picture or created something with glue. My sister and I would have gone in together on something - maybe dinner, maybe a tool (because Lord knows the man needed another one).

It would have been good times. But I am sure he is somewhere, having good times. With his brother, mom and dad. With past friends, bullshitting, playing jokes on one another. But, anyways, happy birthday.

i heart apples

Babe called me on Sunday morning and suggested we head down to Nebraska City for some apple cider. I agreed and gave Gina a ring to join us. My love for apple cider runs deep like the roots of an apple tree. It's delicious and is a million times better than apple juice.

We paid $6 for the Arbor Day trail and a free tree (not so free?). Along the trail we found a 50 foot tree house. It wasn't very exciting. It actually read that it was over 1,000 feet when we reached the top. This didn't make sense to me, or anyone else. Maybe the boy/girl (we shall call him/her Pat) with the bowl cut would know what the deal was?


Half way through our trail, we came upon a log you could crawl through. When I say 'you,' i mean children. but I thought I'd give it a go. I kinda sorta got stuck for a bit and the children behind me don't find it too amusing, they looked a little pissed actually. Oh well, big kids can have fun too.


This is the apple sample lady. I don't recall her name. But she was good as gold. We told her we were on vacation and wanted to get lots of pictures.


FREE TREES! What could be better? Maybe free cider. This was a green house for trees, I guess. There were a lot of bugs in there, so we didn't stay long.



At the end of our trip, we stopped in to purchase apple cider and apples. Gina has 'problems' with drinking apple juice, so she was nervous to try the cider. She ended up loving it. I have yet to hear the end results. I assumeit went smoothly since I didn't get a call saying how she can't drink cider anymore.

More pictures of our trip to Arbor Day Farm here.

back that ass up

We attended and Black and White party on Saturday evening. I have never been to a theme party and Mollie thought maybe it was similar to something on Laguna Beach. I don't watch, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

The dj was drunk and would not play me and Mollie's dance cd's we made (and let me tell you, they rocked). Rodrigo informed me the next day that the dj did fall asleep. He wasn't very good. But we did dance like nobody's business (we started the dance floor). Paula tried teaching me something. But I like to add an extra step in.

And suprise, I started sweating like a whore in church. It was in a basement, and Danelle seems to think a gas leak was taking place the same time as the party. 'My pores are on fire!' And if you folks are wondering, we had to take her to the ER for first degree burns due to an allergic reaction.

Kidding.

Maybe I shouldn't joke like that. Anyways. It was a good night with many-a latins and language I didn't understand.

video and pictures from Danelle.

oh, lord (put your boots on)

tell me you're crazy maybe then i'll understand
you got your 9 iron in the back seat just in case
heard you've gone south well babe you love your new 4 wheel
i gotta find why you always go when the wind blows
-God



In the past few days it seems like God has been brought up in several conversations. So it has me thinking about everything under the sun, above the earth, in the sky, wherever, everywhere G is.

I was raised Catholic. I didn't quite get it. Yes, I was that strange one in church and in CCD class (kind of like Sunday school, but on Wednesday nights). The only reason I really enjoyed going to mass on Sundays was to sing. I sang loud and let everyone hear me. But I didn't listen to the stories. They seemed a little 'off' to me, like there were missing pages. But I was young and didn't think much of it.

In CCD I would ask questions about Jesus - why didn't he have a wife? What about that Mary lady? My teacher, Dee, whom I still see to this day, would get so angry at me for asking things like that. "Because he is the son of God and doesn't need a wife." I dared not ask if he had a boyfriend!

Baptism to cleanse us of any sin we may have been born with (from our past lives? Oh wait, we don't believe that). Communion to receive the body of Christ (sometimes it's really good bread, but lately it's been hard wafers). Confirmation, a sacrament of initiation into Catholicism (sort of like a fraternity, without the hazing). Three steps to become a Catholic, like AA, but backwards.

When I was younger, we had Father Dan and Father Cruise (who quite priesthood and married) in our church. They were fun, they made you want to come to church. I even had an idea that I wanted to be a priest when I grew older. Can you picture that?! I sure as hell can't now.

There was a time when our church had Father Dennis. Bless his soul. I am sure he was a great man, but he just oozed creepiness. He smelled, was very over-weight would grab my shoulder in a very strange way from time to time. Now, you ask - why was he touching my shoulder? Well, I was an alter boy. Part of Jesus' robed gang as I liked to think of it as. And you would need to hold the Book for him. Stand close enough for him to read it, but stand far enough back so you didn't pass out. I am not speaking ill of this man, just the truth - something the Bible teaches us to do, I think.

Ok, enough of the flash back for now. But God. Why God? Is there one - or several. What about the Greek Gods to whom people prayed to? Why wouldn't they count? Here is my take on it. I don't know what is going on up there, and everywhere. But I know there is something. Even though people pray to a different God. Maybe it's all the same. An idea of something perfect and much more than we can even imagine. But then there are the crazy people, let's build a bridge sorta people, that are all about God, but don't have a fucking clue how to accept or love others as they do themselves. So-called self-righteous Christian soldiers they can be at times. Please practice what your preach - or just mind your own self.

So am I still a Catholic? I don't consider myself one. The word Religion freaks me out - we seem to have lost the spiritual side of it. So many people go to church to feel holy. Well, I can feel holy in my car, or whenever I pray to my God. But I do like the idea that you can go to a certain temple to further your prayers. It's just that there are so many who ruin that for you, and cloud your mind with other things - such as donations, arguing on church boards, and gossiping. Something that should be left at home.

I wish Jesus were here today. He would bring the love back. Bring back the spiritual side of it. He would say everything will be ok. Love who you want (no, this does not mean cheating is ok). He would tell us about the missing pages in the Book. The real deal.



I believe in defending
in what we once
stood for
It seems in vogue
to be a closet
misogynist homophobe

a change of course in
Our direction
a dash of truth
spread thinly
Like a flag
on a popstar
On a Benzodiazapene

You give me yours
I'll give you mine
cause I can look
your God
right in the eye
You give me yours
I'll give you mine
You used to look my God
right in the eye
-pancake

a little something

life would be simpler if...
everyone got along.

i feel most beautiful...
when i have a good pair of jeans on.

the quality i like least about myself...
i recently started to talk bad about my body...i don't like that. so i am stopping.

something that no one knows about me is...
i am an open book, i don't hide much.

guiltiest pleasure?
i have many...Flava of Love, Aqua Teen, Dolly Parton...

high road or low road?
usually the high...but low is needed at times.

my favorite possession is...
i have many favorites...family and freinds would be number one.

when i was little, i wanted to be...
an actor...i wanted terribly to be the little boy in Jurassic Park.

what surprises me most about my adult life is...
i don't think i'm suprised. i feel like i should be doing something else though. maybe i'll write a novel?

the big decision i'm currently wrestling with is...
if i should keep a dream journal...they are crazy. Yesterday it was if I should get the same Jack wallet, or a new one.

my motto is...
i don't have one. maybe i should get one...soon. maybe now. so here it goes...build a bridge and let it go. haha. kidding.

smokin'

Omaha is smoke-free...well, in some places.

Here's to clean smelling clothes after you leave an establishment.

rabbit, where'd you put the keys

Last night, I joined Mollie and Wendy for an evening of fine music. We saw Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins at Sokol.

I recalled Mollie ranting about her, but never listened to her. Well, I fell in love with Jenny in the first song. She sounds like a new version of June Carter Cash, classic yet modern.

While waiting for Jenny to start playing - we people watched. I love this and find it interesting. I made the comment to Wendy, 'Isn't it funny - the emo kids. They all look the same. All black. All smoking.'

'You're exactly right. They make fun of others for all looking the same, but they are the ones that really look alike!'

Anyways, the concert was lovely. And I hope to see her again.

------------------------

Been beat up and battered 'round
Been sent up, and I've been shot down
You're the best thing that I've ever found
Handle me with care

Reputations changeable
Situations tolerable
Baby, you're adorable
Handle me with care

I'm so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Won't you show me that you really care

Everybody's got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on

-Handle Me With Care